


I'll Prove to Us We're Worth It

by catrinahart



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1D Hiatus Fic, Canon Divergence, Flashbacks, Idiots in Love, Lilo Meddling, M/M, OT4 Friendship, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-10 21:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15300834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catrinahart/pseuds/catrinahart
Summary: It all changed for Niall the night of the X-Factor Finale 2015, when somehow he and Harry ended up in his hotel room, only to wake up alone the next morning. The official start of the "hiatus".  It all changed for Harry when he realized over the last two years that everyone in his life doesn't always have his best interests at heart and the one thing he never wanted to leave behind was the one thing he did.  Can Louis and Liam get Niall and Harry back to NiallandHarry- or is two years a little to late?





	I'll Prove to Us We're Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the 1D Collab on Tumblr... enjoy! You can find the corresponding art from my amazing artist [Here!](https://ingahansenn.tumblr.com/post/176027432322/the-lovely-catrinahartsnarry-and-i-worked)

\----

“So you’re thinking January, in LA?” Louis asks. He takes a look at his calendar, between Freddie’s birthday and studio time it should work.That week is completely open.

“Yeah, it sucks that it couldn’t be closer to the holidays. I’m sorry mate.” And he sounds sorry. Niall always hates letting any of them down, even when he’s really not. Nothing about being friends with Niall has ever been disappointing.  

“Nialler don’t worry! It’s close enough. What’s a few more days anyway.” He asks. He kicks his feet up on the coffee table, telly paused mid footie match. “I think Li’s going to be in town too, do you want to make it the four of us. Check to see what H is doing? Have you talked to him lately?” Louis asks slyly and then he just waits. But he knew what was coming. Silence.

Now whenever he brings up Harry it’s mostly silence these days. They talk about him, in a mostly objective way, Niall’s voice lacking the _fond_ that it used to; they’ll talk to him on the email chain, but even then Niall is chillingly cordial. Its lead Louis to the distinct conclusion that Niall and Harry don’t really talk anymore; not really anyway; or not the way they used to. Even in email and group texts there had always been banter, pet names, and sarcasm. But he hasn’t seen that since late 2015 and the start of their hiatus.

He can’t help but think that something bigger is going on. And he’s decided it’s time to get to the bottom of it.

“Uh, I’m sure H is busy, but sure, we can reach out.” Niall finally says after a tense moment of silence.  Sometimes Louis just has to test it, to see if something had changed and if Niall seems comfortable talking about him again. Louis just wishes that he knew what had happened, but 2016 was a crazy year and he didn’t keep track of his lads like he used to.  

“We don’t have to. I know that he’s talked with Li a couple times. You know he and I don’t talk on the phone much.” But he had been grateful that he was there, last December after Mum passed. He had never been more grateful for his boys.

“No, it’s okay. Ask away, I’m sure he’ll be busy.” Niall doesn’t sound bitter about it, more like he sounds indifferent. In their defense they had all gotten a bit indifferent to Harry and the media's adoration of him, but after the first 18 months of the hiatus they’d all started to drift back together… or so he had thought. It didn’t take him long to realize that Niall hadn’t reconnected with Harry like he and Liam had.

“Okay, I won’t plan on it but I’ll check with Li and have him check with H. Then maybe we can all just hang out your place or mine?” Louis suggested. It’s always so much easier when they meet out of the public eye. They can at least be left in peace.

“Sure. Do you have the little man?” Niall asks. He’d bonded with Freddie straight away- and he loves being “Uncle Niall”. He keeps sending Freddie little gifts in the mail as if he doesn’t have enough people spoiling him already.

“Nah, Bri has him that week because it’s her birthday, we’re doing a joint thing for his birthday.” Louis has never been a good phone talker, so he ends up getting up from the sofa and wandering outside. He lights up a cigarette and absorbs the distance sound of the LA traffic.

“What the fuck, mate? He’s gonna be two? Jesus Christ. Time flies.” And he sounds amazed. It is true, since they all left One Direction the time has flown. He can’t believe he’s putting out his own album this year. It’s fucking mad.

“I know, right?” They get lost in meandering conversation, excited to see each other again, and making exaggerated plans that they both know won’t happen, but it’s fun to talk about anyway.

He sounds regretful when he does it but Niall finally calls it to an end. Louis can’t help but feel like a bit of twat when the first thing he does is call Liam. The other man answers with a laugh and he can hear a high pitch squeal in the background. Bear is still at that age where he loves making noise just to make noise.   

“Oi, what’s going on?” Louis asks. He can’t help but laugh at the joyful sounds coming out from the speaker of his phone. The sounds of happy kids are always just contagious.

“Nothing much Mate. So did you talk to Niall?” It wasn’t really all that long ago that they’d started to piece together that something was wrong. Though it did take longer than it should have- but it’s hard- he used to see the lads everyday, now they haven’t been in the same room since the end of 2016 and in spite of the circumstances he doesn’t even remember all of it. But that was when Liam had noticed it- noticed Harry staying close to Lou and Niall seemingly talking to everyone else. Sure there were hugs, but he trusts Liam when he said it was a bit too tense; and it had to be for Liam to pick up on it. He’s not always the best at picking up on nonverbal cues.

“Yeah, he’s in town for the week of  the 8th.” Louis offers, knows that that’s the week that Liam will be here for at least a bit. He’s not going to be in LA long, hence the time constraint.

“Great! Harry’s will be there too. It’s Camille’s birthday so they’re doing something… I don’t know what though.” Liam tells him.

“Alright, so we can all get together on Wednesday. You can crash here at my place, you have to fly out the next day for promo right?” Louis has a hard enough time keeping his own schedule straight, nevermind adding in the other boys’- it was much easier when they were all on the same one.

“Yeah, then I have a couple days with Bear and the missus.” He knows that Liam has a pretty packed first quarter, so he’s trying to pack in as many days as he can with Cheryl and Bear. It’s hard to be away from family- he hates not seeing Freddie on the regular.

“I don’t think we should tell Niall.” Louis offers out. He had been wavering back and forth.

“Think he’d bail?” Liam asks. He sounds a bit distracted, but having kids does that.

“I don’t know… maybe? I know they saw each other at the show though. But it’s different when everyone's around. Easier to fake it, ya know? But I also don’t want to like blindside him.” Louis can’t help but look up at the ceiling as he tries to think it all through.

“Well, Harry seems okay with it.” Liam offers.

“ _Well_ Harold is also fucking clueless sometimes.” Louis hasn’t really been able to pick up for sure what’s going on- but he knows it’s something. Harry used to be Niall’s sun, all the boy would ever talk about- but now trying to talk to him about Harry is like pulling teeth. _Something_ happened. And Louis doesn’t need to know what it is but he does feel the need to fix it. Because a world where Niall and Harry are not the best of friends is a world that is not quite right.

“What do you think happened?” Liam asks, but they have had this conversation before. They’ve tried to piece it together, but that first 6 months when they went on _hiatus_ was a blur for both of them. How it was nice to not have everyone around, to be doing his own thing, what he wanted...when he wanted- but how it was also like missing a limb- a very vital part of him was missing.  

But he can’t remember when he really noticed that Niall and Harry weren’t the Niall _and_ Harry that he remembered.

“I don’t know man, but it’s time to sort it out.” Louis huffs out, it’s up to the two of them to try to make this right.

\----

“So, H, can we count you in? For sure?” Liam asks and he’s holding his breath with curiosity because he thinks he knows what he’s going to say, but Harry has wavered between being dependable and being wishy-washy over the last couple years. Now he’s definitely started to lean more towards the debendable lad he’d been back in the beginning.

“You said, Ni _will_ be there?” His cadence hasn’t changed, he always talks a bit slower, like he has to think every word through, but even he can sense the delay in Harry’s response.

“Yeah, we’re meeting at Tommo’s and then we are gonna have a FIFA match and the he’s gonna talk Niall into grilling steaks for us. You aren’t on a no meat thing or anything like that are you?” He’s learned the hard way that it’s best to ask about Harry’s diet in advance. You can never know what new trend Harry is on.

“No, I only do the juice cleanses when I finish a tour, you know that.” Harry tells him, but no Liam doesn’t know that- but he’s sure back in the day Niall would have known that- because Niall knew everything about Harry, and well back then Harry knew everything about Niall too.

“Okay, just wanted to make sure that you didn’t need anything special.” Liam reassures filling in the silence, but this is something he’s familiar with now. He’s familiar with the quiet spaces between Harry’s word, but he still has to fight to fill the silence. This silence is loud though; he knows what’s coming.

“Does Niall know I’ll be there?” Harry’s voice carries the questions softly.

“Yeah, Tommo told him we should try for all four of us. But I mean I’m confirming with you right now so I think he thinks you’re a maybe?” Liam doesn’t know why he finally gets the courage to ask, maybe he’s just sick of walking on eggshells and not knowing what’s going on with people who used to be family. “Why wouldn’t he want you to be there, Harry?”

He waits for the patiently for the answer and he thinks that he may have to prompt Harry again, “It’s... I was stupid.” Harry tells him. And Liam once again is playing the patience game waiting for Harry to offer more, but maybe that’s all he’s going to get.

“Well, we all make mistakes Harry. I’m sure he’s over it.  He’s _Niall_.” And if isn’t that the truth, nothing ever really truly bothers Niall.

“It was big, Li, really big, and I really didn’t think it through and then when I realized that it was a mistake- I never tried to fix it.” Harry’s voice is wobbling, and Liam can hear the tears. Normally this is when he would turn it over to Niall, but that doesn’t seem to be something he can do anymore.  He wonder’s who’s been taking care of Harry- he was always pretty shit at taking care of himself.

“Is this something that will affect all off us?” Liam doesn’t like the idea of not being able to go back to One Direction. Not because it’s a security blanket- but more so because it’s home- it’s _who_ they are.

“No, no it shouldn’t- I don’t think so anyway. It’s just us.” His voice is just a little clogged now and he’s more than a little relieved that he won’t be dealing with a crying Harry.

“Are you sure?” Liam asks, because at first last year he thought it was his imagination, that he didn’t see Harry and Niall interacting the same way he used to- but then after talking with Louis and seeing that he had started to notice the same thing- he realized that something was very _different_. Maybe whatever this is, is a lot bigger than they thought it was. Liam can’t really think of anything that would cause Niall to disappear from Harry’s life. “Have you talked to him?”

The sigh that comes through the phone is loud and dramatic, “Not really. Well I’ve tried calling him a few times now but he hasn’t answered, and now I’m almost scared that he will.” Avoiding a call doesn’t sound like Niall at all, and he can’t help but question why Niall wouldn’t want to pick up the phone, especially when Harry calls.

“But it’s Niall, he’s the least scary person on the planet.” He can’t help but point out. But he’s met with silence once again.

“It’s different when you’ve disappointed him, and then you’ve put off talking about it. But I guess we will see how it goes next week?” Harry sounds sad even though the words are incredibly optimistic.

“So you’re in for sure?” He can’t help but ask. Out of all of them Harry has been the one that’s drifted the most. It wasn’t until just mid last year that he and Harry really started talking again. But it probably didn’t help that the hiatus was Harry’s idea- that the three of them weren’t ready and Harry was-  but time has helped heal those wounds and now all Liam can hope is that whatever wounds Niall has have started to heal as well.

“I’ll be there.” He can almost see Harry nodding, shortened curls bouncing around his face as he nods- determined.  

“Great! Later mate.” Liam hangs up the phone and he feels like he’s made some headway, a little anyway. The fact that all four of them are going to be together is still huge- it hasn’t happened since the end of 2016. They’ve all been so busy- but Harry’s also been hiding or so it seems- and maybe now- maybe if they can figure out what’s going on with Niall- they’ll get to have the Harry back they used to know.  At this point he can only hope.

\----

Niall can’t help but be proud of himself- he flew into LA almost completely under the radar. No mobs, no paps, no fan pictures, nothing.  He’s hardly ever this lucky- granted it was late, but late has always has a different meaning in LA. It only takes him an hour to get home- past the L.A. rush hour traffic and once he walks in the door he finds himself  heading straight to bed to try to sleep off this jet lag.

He only has one day ‘off,’ which he spends mostly napping and resetting his clock, before he needs to head over to Louis’ for FIFA and dinner. He can’t even put into words how much he’s looking forward to hanging out with Liam and Louis again, even though FIFA isn’t really his game of choice as much anymore. It’s been forever since its been more than just Liam or Louis.  He’s admittedly a bit bummed that the little lad won’t be around because he’s found that he’s pretty damn fond of Freddie. He got him a little golf club playset for his birthday- still in disbelief that he’s turning _two-_ and he can’t wait for the pics he knows that Louis will send his way soon enough.

The drive to Louis house isn’t far. He’s excited to see Liam- even though they did just see each other at the Jingle Ball gigs. The first set of Jingle Ball shows had been weird, him just singing his one song- and while yes there had been plenty of friends around, none of them were his lads. The second round had been amazing- getting used to the solo routine but then also having Liam there- it was like having his cake and eating it too.

He was a bit worried at first when Louis didn’t bring up Harry again. But then he just figured that he had been right all along- that Harry was too busy for them. He remembers that being a huge fear of his when the hiatus first came up- even though he was reassured day after day that it wouldn’t be the case. However its turned out to be the truth- but not for the reasons he’d originally suspected. He knew even back then that Harry is _Harry_ \- but now he is even more of a recluse. He can’t remember the last time he heard his voice when he wasn’t listening to his album. Harry’s off living his “dream”, the funny thing is Niall always thought they _were_ living the dream- he just didn’t realize Harry’s dream was so different from his own.

But that’s okay- Niall is more comfortable now than he’s ever been in his own skin, and more than that, he’s living a new dream now too. And even though he still feels disconnected from Harry- he’s happy if Harry’s happy.  

When he finally gets there he takes a minute to just stand in the warm L.A. sun. It feels amazing on his skin. He loves going back home for the holidays- seeing everyone and eating his mum’s food, hanging out with all his friends, but the cold there seems to sink into his bones, settling in, and the sun here just helps, splitting his time between London and LA makes him feel balanced.   

He walks right into Louis house, considering Louis does the same at his, and yells “Tommo!”

“Nialler! Out back Lad!.” He can’t help his laugh- of course- he knew that he would get wrangled into grilling.  But that’s okay. It’s always worked out well, they each had their strengths and Niall’s is that he is the ‘Grill King.’ He sets the birthday gift he brought  for Freddie down in the living room and then proceeds to head outside.

The two lads are already stubbing out their cigarettes so that they can take turns wrapping Niall in crushing hugs. They are both dressed super casual, in just joggers and t-shirts but he’s pretty sure it’s because Liam is staying here too. And at times like this… as much as he’s gotten used to being solo, this feels good, almost normal. He feels less like he’s missing a part of himself.  

He loves One Direction- but he’s gotten used to being on his own now, and he’s starting to thrive on it- relish it even. Can’t wait to see how _On the Loose_ will do as the next single- the fans loved it after he performed it at Wango Tango and he can only hope it does well, maybe even carrying over into the summer.

But the next few minutes aren’t spent talking about music, instead it’s about Bear, and Freddie, and their parents, and the holidays. Whenever they are back together like this it’s like no time has passed at all.  They really are his best friends, and time and distance are never going to change that at all. Sometimes he wishes that he would have trusted his gut with Harry too. Never taken him to his hotel room, never crossed that line, because in a way he’s always going to miss Harry- he was his best friend for almost five years- and now they’re just acquaintances, sometimes it feels they’re barely even that.  

The night passes smooth and it’s only as the late afternoon sun starts to set that he fires up the grill to get ready to cook up dinner. It’s not until Louis is handing him four steaks that he realizes that’s not right, there are only three of them here- “Louis, what’s with the extra?”

But the voice that is ringing from the front entry way is heartbreakingly familiar. It makes his heart pause, his chest and breath freeze in his lungs. It's not like he hasn't heard Harry’s voice recently. He _has_ , he’s watched interviews, went to his shows, heard him speak in concerts for a couple thousand people but the difference is he isn’t prepared for this- to see him. The same way he wasn’t prepared to wake up alone without his best friend. The same way he wasn’t prepared to see him on a boat making out with someone else after not hearing from him for two weeks.  

He wasn't prepared to know how little he really meant to Harry. Even more he wasn’t prepared to go solo truly _alone,_ without the one person he'd thought of as his best friend by his side _._ But it is what it is and he’s proven to himself that he’s over it- that’s what going to Harry’s concert was all about- showing Harry his support and that he’s over it. What happened between them was nothing more than a flash in the pan; a mistake that should have never happened.

He’s worked it out of his system. The notes and thoughts scattered through numerous songs and the broken heart has healed. What’s done is done.

But he’s not prepared to see him face to face like this, with just them- the lads.

“Hey H!  You made it.” Louis has turned his gaze away from Niall, where he’s sure Louis was carefully watching his reaction considering his back was turned away from the house, and walking away from Niall to greet Harry. Right now he’s just grateful for the steaks in his hand. It gives him something to do as he takes in a deep breath and reminds himself he’s seen Harry four times since the hiatus started- this time is no different- granted one of those times they ended up in bed together- but the other three were strictly platonic. They are back on the same ground they were before because Niall is over it and clearly Harry never had anything to get over- it was all just in Niall’s head. He grabs the seasoning that Louis left by the grill and starts seasoning the steaks while he can hear Liam and Louis talking and laughing with Harry inside the house.  

Times like this he regrets not telling anyone what happened. No one really knows- and he can’t help but think it’s better that way. He would never want his spoiled friendship with Harry to taint the other boys friendships.

He blocks out the conversation inside, instead trying to figure out his game plan when he hears the shuffling feet coming towards the large outdoor patio. Even now he can still recognize Harry’s footsteps- he hates how so much of him is still ingrained into his brain. He grabs the steaks and places them on the grill one by one- not even thinking to use the tongs that are right there. And _shit_ now his hands are all greasy and have seasoning all over them. He closes the grill cover and looks up as the door opens, pasting a smile on his face.

He’s not dressed like the Harry he used to know, but he knows that Harry has a new normal now. He’s seen it on the news and sometimes on the cover of tabloids, but sometimes he forgets how much has changed and it’s disorienting because he expects the same Harry he used to know.  Harry’s wearing his planet sweater and tan slacks- not at all what he’s used to- but then again the last two times he saw him he was in Gucci suits- so it shouldn’t be all that surprising.

His face however is still the same, tan skin, chiseled cheekbones, pink lips parted in a smile. His hair is a bit longer now, shaggy and curling and it reminds Niall of when he had just started growing it out and all the headscarves he used to wear to keep it out of his face. His eyes are still just as green and Harry’s still just as beautiful as he was the last time Niall saw him.

Hey, H.” The smile feels a bit forced, like the muscles on his face aren’t quite working like they should, but Harry’s smile back looks more than a little worried now. Niall’s not sure why- he’s proven he’s over it- _right?_ Harry shouldn’t have anything to be uncomfortable with, except for the fact that they never really talk anymore.

“Hi Niall,” His tone hasn’t changed and his smile grows a bit more confident white teeth shining as he goes to hug Niall. But it’s a bit awkward since Niall’s hands are all greasy from the raw steaks and so he tries to hug back without actually touching and ruining Harry’s clothes.

“Hey, let me go wash my hands, I’ll be right back.” He walks right past Harry and closes the patio door behind him as he heads straight into the kitchen. He stops at the sink, taking a deep breath before going through the motions of washing his hands, getting off the grease and salt.   

“You okay?” He jumps at the question because he didn’t even hear Louis come in behind him. But he looks over his shoulder grabbing the towel to wipe off his hands.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He asks- and yeah he’s fine, he can handle this- over the last 8 years he’s handled a bunch of shit- this is nothing.

“You looked like you saw a ghost.” Louis’ eyes are intent as he looks at him, and sometimes he hates that Louis has such _good_ instincts. Hates that Louis was studying him when he heard Harry’s voice- it’s almost like he _knows_ something.

“You didn’t tell me he was coming- I was just a bit surprised- that's all.” Then he forces himself to put the kitchen towel back by the sink, otherwise he’s just going to fidget with it nervously giving himself away.  He doesn’t want to give Louis any reason to ask questions- this is between him and Harry- he never wanted the other lad’s friendships to be affected.

“Well I wasn’t sure…” Louis starts, but Niall knows how devious he can be.  He’s not mad- just taken aback. But he’s found his footing- and while tonight might not be exactly as relaxing as he thought, it will still be a good time.

“You had four steaks,” Niall can’t help but point out. Louis however has perfected the look of innocence or at least partially... “Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?” He can’t help but ask.

“We didn’t really know for sure. Payno had talked with him and he’d been pretty wishy-washy…” Louis lets the rest of the sentence go unfinished but Niall gets the point. He’s still feels a bit blindsided and Louis looks a bit sorry. But why should he? It’s the second time tonight that he wishes he hadn’t made the decision to keep it to himself.

“No worries, but maybe next time, just let me know?” He grabs a beer from fridge and pats Louis shoulder as he moves back out to the patio.  

Liam and Harry are deep in conversation but Harry looks up when Niall comes back out, Louis following right behind him, Harry shares another smile with him- he gives him a quick smile and nod back and then takes up his post by the grill. Louis brings him a plate of veggies to grill as well and that keeps him occupied for the next 15 minutes or so. He doesn’t try to jump into the conversation, he’s got his own going on with Louis, but every once in a while he’ll hear a word or a sentence that will grab his attention.  

He used to know everything about Harry- now he doesn’t know a thing.

They eat outside and he’s sure by looking at Louis bright eyes that he notices that he doesn’t sit next to Harry, and they don’t seem to be having any conversation of their own- instead it’s an active group conversation. It’s not like Niall feels like an outsider or anything like that- but he is a bit more cautious about only drinking a couple beers so that he doesn't get too mouthy or say the wrong thing.

Even with the little bit of tension the night is relatively easy and comfortable. After eating outside, they move to the basement where Louis has everything set up for a night of FIFA and pool if they want to. Of course they default to the Playstation 4 as they always do, bringing back memories of hotel rooms and tour buses.  

Niall starts when the screen pauses though and when he looks over he already knows what’s going to happen. It’s always like this- Liam and Louis smoke- Niall and Harry don’t- but it's time for a smoke break.

“Nasty habit.” Is all Liam says as he pats himself down for his cigs and lighter before dragging Louis out with him. “I’m going to quit this year.”

“Sure Payno,” He says on a laugh.

“You really should. It’s not good for you.” Harry follows up.

He watches them walk out the door, and his stomach clenches with something like dread. He’s alone- with Harry- for the first time in two years.

Only a couple of seconds tick by until -“So how’s life?” is asked and it’s an odd question to come from Harry- but it also clarifies everything that Niall already knows- Harry is so disconnected from him that he really doesn’t know.  He has to ask this questions because he genuinely doesn’t know.

“Ah, good,” He looks over to Harry and those green eyes that he used to know so well are looking back at him, with a gaze he doesn't know how to decipher. He used to be able to read the language in Harry’s eyes, smiles and smirks- but it’s not as familiar to him now. “We’re, ahh, we’re getting ready to release _On the Loose,_ so we have some work to do, music video and stuff and then theres’s tour stuff. Ya know?” Its nothing Harry wouldn’t know if he actually followed Niall on Instagram or Twitter but he’s always known how Harry felt about Social Media. “How was your Hols?” He asks and he wants to bite his tongue because this small talk is actually bordering on painful.

“Um, good. Quiet, weird without Robin. My mum got a new cat.” Harry offers, smile lightening his face when he talks about his mum- and that at least is a look that Niall recognizes.

“Yeah, I saw that on Instagram, Evie.”  Niall’s a bit insulted with the way that Harry looks so surprised, but Harry should know that Niall was always Anne’s favorite. Then the other boy is looking over his shoulder at the door Liam and Louis just went out of with an almost hesitant look before turning his full attention back to Niall.

“Soo,”  Harry draws the word out before pinning Niall with a _look._ “I think we should talk.”  

“About?” Niall draws out. He can’t _not_ look at Harry- because he’s terrified he knows what Harry wants to talk about.

“Our last show.” Harry tells him, “or really, what happened after.” Harry clarifies. Of course-exactly what Niall doesn’t want to talk about.

“What is there to talk about?” Niall shakes his head because this is exactly what he wants to avoid, he hasn’t been alone with Harry for two years… and there’s a reason- this is _the_ reason. Because he doesn't want to talk about how he felt a lot more than he should have, when it was apparently only a one-night stand and he had no clue..

“Well…why we just aren’t as close- how we don’t really talk anymore… I don’t know... I kinda wrote a song about it.” Harry gives him a pleading look and Niall can’t make this harder on him just because he feels spiteful. Regardless it seems like  Harry can still get to him with those puppy eyes of his.

“You mean the one where your phone misses my calls and you wonder why I can’t say ‘I’m sorry too?’”  Niall questions.

“Yeah,” and Harry looks relieved but it just makes Niall livid, the anger that he thought that he had mostly worked through burns back to the surface so quickly he wonders if it truly ever _was_ gone.

“Harry. First of all what do you want me to apologize for? Do you want me to apologize for sleeping with you? Is that it? Or do you want me to apologize for being fucking blindsided by your yacht girlfriend and your supposed contract I found out about because of Twitter? Is that what it is Harry? Or am I supposed to apologize for whatever I did that made you feel like you had to leave without waking me up? What do you want me to apologize for?” Niall can’t lie, he’s so confused. He had listened to Harry’s entire album, of course he had. He loved it- it was so very _Harry._  

He knew through the email chain that some of the songs were ideas; thoughts strung together; but he also knew some were real…autobiographical, _honest_ . They were about _someone_ but Harry had stayed pretty closed lipped about who. It had made him curious- he’d listened to the song extra careful but still wasn’t convinced that it could be about them.

“For not telling me I how much I hurt you!” Harry barely raises his voice but Niall can’t help but sit up straight, “I found out from listening to _your_ album! Not from you!”  His mouth is turned down, green eyes sad as he tells Niall this- but it only fuels a different sort of anger- enough to side track him.

“Okay, my album is not all about you.  That’s pretty damn arrogant of you.” Niall feels the need to clarify.

“It’s not?” Harry questions back.“Part of it is.  I listened _very_ carefully,” Harry tells him.

“It’s not _all_ about you, anyway.” Niall back-pedals because he did have other relationships to draw on.  Flicker was not just about Harry- he wouldn’t let it be.

“It’s enough about me, but I didn’t know, Niall, I _didn’t_ know. I didn’t know that I broke your heart. How was I supposed to know? You didn’t call.” Harry blurts out, it’s a loud whisper but it echos like a scream in Niall head.

“Well it was pretty obvious to me that it wasn’t really any of your concern, you showed me exactly how important I was when I woke up alone.” Niall looks back to the telly where the paused game of FIFA is still frozen on the screen. He huffs out a deep breath, trying to calm his heart rate down. He’s so worked up he can feel his blood rushing underneath his skin. It’s stupid to still feel angry over this. It’s done. What he needs is for Louis and Liam to get back, _now._

“No,” Harry snaps the word out, making Niall look back at him. He’s never heard that tone from Harry before, “That, my actions, me _leaving you,_ wasn’t meant to show you anything… and in my defense I didn’t know I was going to be on a yacht signing my contract. Jeff texted me that morning all excited about my solo career and I - I left but not because I didn’t respect you or care for you, I just didn’t know what to say...I didn’t know what to tell you. Because that night was perfect- everything about it- but Niall… you’ve always been the one to call me out on my shit. Always been the one to tell when I’ve done something wrong. Why not this time?” Harry pauses like he doesn’t know what to say. His hand is reaching out, but he stops before it touches Niall. That’s good, he doesn’t want Harry to touch him.

But this- this whole conversation is useless. There is nothing to be said that can fix anything- take things back to the way they were. Maybe now that the air is clear it will help. He won’t have to have the safety of a crowd to see Harry. He might be able to hug him and mean it. He lets out a sigh and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. “It doesn’t matter anymore, H. It’s been two years. I’ve moved on, you’ve moved on. Hell there really wasn’t _anything_ to _move on_ from, right? It was nothing. I’m happy. You’re happy. We’re both doing our own thing.”

“I’m not.” Harry says it almost too fast, and when Niall looks over he can still see that he’s being honest. He at least still recognizes that about this new and different Harry.

“Not what?” Niall asks.

“Not happy.” Harry clarifies, shoulders hunching in like he does when it’s something he doesn’t really want to talk about.  

“What?” He asks amazed. Harry’s been nothing but full of laughs and bad jokes all night. Harry’s curls flutter around his head when he shakes it. Niall’s still not used to the shorter hair, the curls bobbing around his temple and ears, but he always had a fondness for Harry’s curls- they’re distracting him even now.

“Life isn't really what I thought it would be like. And I feel a little lost sometimes, alone.” Harry’s pausing between his words and Niall still knows him well enough to know that it’s because he’s searching for the right words to say, trying hard to make sure that what he says can only be taken the way he wants it to be.  

“Harry you're never alone. You're with Jeff twenty-four-seven and you have Camille, they both love you.” And he knows that for a fact, the other lads even said so and he’s seen it in person.

“Yeah I do… but she, they, don’t make me happy, like- _really happy-_ no one quite makes me happy like you used to.” To that Niall just blinks because this night is just getting weirder and weirder. And he really isn’t sure how he’s supposed to take that?

“What the fuck?” The words are out of his mouth before he thinks to filter them but in a way that’s almost comforting- he never used to have a filter around Harry.  

“What?” Harry asks looking a bit taken back from his outburst- eyes wide, pink on his cheeks.

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“I miss having you as a friend.” And, okay, that's a bit more reasonable. His head had gone to a different place- those words misleading despite Harry thinking them through  But still-

“You can’t just say shit like that. And seriously two fucking years later?” He can’t help looking frantically at the door, hoping that Louis and Liam will just get back here and save him from this conversation he hoped he was never going to have.

“Hey, I’ve called, since that last show. I called and now _you_ don’t pick up.” Niall looks away a bit guilty because it’s true, he does avoid answering his calls. He’s scared to talk to him, mostly because of this exact conversation.. “ I don’t know if I can explain it all to you, but I’ll try. And it is the truth, I miss you all the time. All of you, all the time. But we’ve both been really bad at being honest and communicating, so I’m trying something new.  I’m talking to you.” Harry seems a bit shy but confident at the same time. It’s not like he hasn’t seen that look before- the one he uses when he’s trying to get something he wants.

“I hate to break it to you but it’s a little too late, H. I mean…”

“Why are you still so angry?” Harry asks interrupting him. He doesn’t quite look like he’s pouting but it’s close.

“I’m not angry.” Niall makes a point to keep his voice soft but its still sharp, it doesn’t make sense to be angry now, but he is; just a little bit anyway. It’s not near the amount of anger or hurt that was present when the hiatus started. “I was hurt. Here I was looking forward to a break, a _short_ break _,_ maybe even with you.  But instead I find out via fucking twitter of all things that you’re on a yacht signing a contract and fucking somebody else, not even two weeks after me, after we’d just started our hiatus. I felt like I didn’t even know you.” And that’s the truth, all of it. He thought that that night had been the start of something, it could be the one good thing to come out of this supposed hiatus- but he’d been wrong about that too.

“I didn’t fuck her.” Harry grumbles out and now he is pouting.

“How the hell was I supposed to know… you didn’t call me.” Niall hisses out because really that’s what Harry decides to focus on?

“You didn’t call me either.” Harry hisses right back at him, “If I hurt you that much why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you yell at me? You’ve done it before!” Niall can’t remember every actually fighting with Harry. He can never remember being shakingly angry with him. Harry used to annoy the piss out of him, but he’d never made him this mad.

The thing is he’s asked himself a hundred times why he didn’t call Harry after he woke up alone. Granted at first he had hoped Harry was just out getting coffee, but after showering and packing and Harry still not coming back and with check out time quickly approaching he knew that Harry had actually left. He doesn’t know why he automatically assumed the worst or why he let Harry get away with it. Because he did- he let Harry get away with something just because Niall was scared of hearing the truth.

“Would you have answered if I called?” Niall finally asks and Harry does a slow shrug of his shoulders, he’s obviously thinking about it, but what-ifs are hard because they are exactly that… _what ifs…_ you never really know for sure.

“I don’t know.” Niall appreciates the brutal honesty because they only know this- that did happen- it doesn’t help anything to focus on what could have happened.

They both fall silent when they hear the footsteps approaching. Harry’s still looking at him and he can’t say he blames him, maybe he is still a bit more angry than he thought. But it’s not all because he’d been left behind in a hotel room. It almost had more to do with seeing Harry roll out his future without knowing what was going on. Seeing all the rumors in the press of a three album deal and knowing that One Direction was probably never coming back, but never hearing it from Harry himself.

“Whatever, nothing we can do about it now.” Niall ends with and grabs his beer taking a swig and turning back to the telly as Louis and Liam walk back in. If they notice anything they don’t say a word.

Niall’s never been more grateful.

\----

Harry can’t help but be a bit disappointed when Niall calls it a night. Apparently he’s got some meetings with Tara and Capitol in the morning and he needs to head out, or at least that’s the excuse that he makes.  He really can’t help but think it is just that- an excuse, because it’s not really that late- only midnight.

The air hasn’t quite been as comfortable as before he talked to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t already notice that Niall was a bit on edge. It was easy to see with how slow he was drinking his beers and how his quick smart arse comments were lacking for a lot of the evening. He knew that he had upset Niall when he talked to him. It doesn’t help that nothing came out right and he’s still not even sure if he’d said that he was sorry for leaving the way that he did.  

But there is no way that Niall can avoid him when he does finally get up to go. He hugs Liam first, then moves to Louis and, then he’s there standing in front of Harry.

He has to look down at Niall, he’s grown a bit taller and with his boots Niall has to look up to him, but that is really the only thing that seems familiar. It’s different in the way that the look in Niall’s eyes isn’t warm and laughing. He knows he still has some work to do when Niall doesn’t go to hug him right away, so Harry pulls him in instead. He feels the same in his arms; Niall always tones up for tour and he can feel the muscles in his back, the curve of his bicep flex when he hugs him back.

“We’ll talk soon. I need to say sorry, properly.” Harry whispers in his ear and he can feel Niall tense up, but he lets him go. Niall just gives him questioning look and that’s okay- he can disbelieve all he wants but tonight was a good enough of an indicator; to Harry at least; that he could fix this now that he finally got to actually talk to him. That had been his worst fear after realizing that Niall wasn’t going to call. But Niall hadn’t told  everyone, he hadn’t tried to turn the other lads against him, and most importantly he didn’t ignore him tonight. There was pleasant civil conversation even when it was just to two of them.

“Goodnight, H.”  

He can’t help but watch Niall walk away. He looks good but then again he’s always thought that he looked good. Navy shorts, with a blue striped shirt, toned legs on display, and they’re still so skinny but it’s obvious that he’s grown well into a man- especially if that scruff he’s sporting on his face is any indication. The curious part of him is wants to know how it would have felt on his skin.

That whole last year- hell even earlier than that- whenever they’d been on tour as 1D, he’d been fighting his attraction to Niall. It was probably more obvious than it should have been, but on stage he never felt the need to hide anything- so he never did. Niall was always there, always laughing, and always responding so he didn’t worry about it.

If they really wanted to they could blame it on the alcohol; but Niall isn’t a liar and neither is he. They may have had a few drinks but they both knew what they were doing when Harry followed Niall to his hotel room that night.

He still remembers kissing him, leaning down and catching those soft lips, shy and tentative, but only at first. Niall had pulled away, blue eyes _hot,_ and there had been no question in Harry’s mind that Niall was on the exact same page that he was. After that there was nothing shy and tentative; they knew each other too well for that. But Harry wanted to explore more- in a different way, he already knew Niall’s skin- where he was ticklish, where his scars and freckles were- that night he made it his goal to find every spot that made him moan.

Those moans still echo in his dreams.  

“Hey do you want me to take you home?” Liam asks. Harry snaps out of his thoughts; Louis is in the background complaining of the clutter loud enough for him to tell he's had more than a few drinks but Liam had been pretty mellow tonight, only a couple drinks with dinner.

“I can get an uber.” Harry tells him, he hates to be a bother, he’s _always_ hated to be a bother.

“Nah, I’ll take you. Tommo, I’m taking your car.” He smiles at Harry looping an arm over his shoulder as he hollers back at the other lad.

“Bring it back in one piece!”  Harry hears him yell before Louis is coming back to the entrance to give him a hug. He hugs him back. This night was great- this needs to happen again.

“Thanks for the invite, we need to do this again, sooner rather than later.” Harry tells him and watches as they look at each other and back at him. Louis’ smile is huge.

“Yeah, we can make that happen.”  He doesn’t like Louis’ smile, it’s sneaky and sharp, but after all these years he still trusts them… they are still One Direction. Tonight proved that.

It isn’t until he’s climbing into the car that he realizes how tired he is. Suddenly he’s thankful that the traffic at night is always so much easier to manage. He slams the door closed buckling his belt then watches as Liam adjusts the seats, mirrors, and then finally starts the car. Liam was always the safest of them- the most cautious.  

“Are you still selling your house?” Liam asks driving down the driveway and turning left when Harry points that way.

“Yeah, staying with Camille right now. She’s got a place here. She doesn’t come back until next week though.” Harry tells him, while relaxing back in the seat. It hits him right then that if he wants to build this bridge back up with Niall he needs to trust them all- and now he’s glad its Liam driving his home because Liam has the softest heart of them all. Maybe it is time to spill the beans- so to speak. “Hey if I tell you something will you promise not to tell anyone else?”

Liam takes his eyes off the road for only a second to look at him, “Of course H, we’re brothers.”

“That mistake I was telling you about, the one that made me think about not coming here tonight. Well...I hooked up with Niall after the final X factor show and lets just say I fucked it up..” he talks fast, for him at least, and he doesn’t mean to run all the words together but it’s the first time he’s spoken it all out loud. “You can’t tell anyone.” Harry hisses out afterwards, but even to him it sounds more fearful than angry.

“I won’t.” Liam’s brown eyes are wide while he takes in the information. He watches as Liam looks back at the road then back at Harry. He does that a couple more times before he finally asks, “So you don’t think Niall wants to what? Talk to you? We still email all the time?”

“I just, didn’t think he wanted to see me.” Harry finally whispers, it’s soft. “At first I thought that it was a good thing? The band was over- we couldn’t endanger anything.” He can’t help but feel that it had been obvious to _everyone_ that _._ he and Niall had been building up to _something_ for years.

“Sure?” Liam sounds hesitant and Harry knows why. They ended up endangering everything anyway.   But he can’t help but think that their night together was worth it. From beginning to end he remembers everything about that night. It’s ingrained into his brain and he really doesn’t want to forget it, even though that would probably be for the best.

“Then when I woke up that morning I had a texts from Jeff. And he asked if I ready to leave the boy band behind and become a legend in my own right. And I know we all thought that we wanted the freedom to branch out and try new things and I get I wasn’t forthcoming about all of  it, but I looked at that text and then looked at Niall, and I knew Jeff was going to tell me that I had to leave it behind, and I trusted him. I thought he knew what was best for my future… so I did it. And then I went on vacation with Kendall and signed my contract very publicly.

“I don’t think I ever apologized for that… for doing it so publicly and not warning you guys it was coming. I should have,  I’m sorry.” He looks over at Liam and he’s looking back at him and he can’t explain it but he already knows he’s forgiven. “I should have told you, all of you.”

“Yeah,” Liam paused and changes lanes when Harry point left.

“Next intersection. But I don’t think it was a hookup. I should have stayed with him instead of going home and then off to St. Barts.” Harry finishes because he knows _now_ what he should have done then, but hindsight is always 20/20.

“But he came to your concert…”  Liam points out.

“With an army of his friends, and I barely saw him.” Harry can’t fight the sigh. He’d been overjoyed to get the email, a little bummed to know that Niall needed a crew of people in tow just to see him.

“And he performed at the We Can Survive Concert, you guys hugged it out - right?” Liam tacks on, because that had to prove something, didn’t it? He thought so too at the time. But they still don’t talk like they used to.

“He spent most of the night with Gemma and my mum, he barely talked to me for five minutes.” Harry tells him and he grabs his thigh hard to keep the quiver out of his voice.

“But…”

“He said he was proud, and he tweeted about it and stuff, and I’m sure he is proud, but he’s not really my friend the way he used to be anymore and I don’t know how to fix it.”  Harry can’t fight the tears that clog up his throat, it was useless to try anyway. He’s cried more than once over Niall.

“Uh, maybe you don’t?” Liam looks surprised at his own words when Harry’s gaze snaps over to him, he must be glaring a bit because Liam stutters a bit before continuing. “All you can really do is own up to it, apologize and see what happens.”

“I tried tonight, or I guess I should say I meant to?  But it didn’t go so great. But, Li, the thing is I want him back in my life.” Harry looks over to see Liam’s hands tense up on the steering wheel. He knows what it sounds like, he said it that way on purpose- just like he did with Niall earlier- and he knows it’s a bit shady, but he wanted to know what the reaction would be. Niall’s reaction wasn’t great either- that was a bit of a blow.

“How do you want him back?” It’s the question that he was looking for. He and Niall have always had an oddly intimate friendship, he wants that and as much as Niall is willing give him.

“I want to go back to what we were. I mean logically I know it won’t ever be the same, but we can try.” He looks out the window and he knows he’s being dramatic but he doesn’t care. He’s ready to figure this out and if he can get Liam on his side, then winning Louis over would only be a matter of time and Niall has never been able to say no to all of them. Not that he wants to use peer pressure, he just wants Niall to break down and give him, _them,_ another chance.

“Harry- you two used to be inseparable. He always knew where you were, what you were doing? Like you guys were attached at the hip. And being on the same tour bus fosters that. But now you live on different continents half the time and you have a girlfriend. I doubt Camille is going to love you spending all that time with Niall? You guys still pretty close, right?” Liam asks.

“Yeah, not so much; it’s gotten rough lately, like not in a bad way, but I think that _the_ conversation is right around the corner.I mean she’s nice and all but she’s not the one for me. I’m not in love with her and she’s not in love with me.” Harry tells him. It’s sad but it’s true. The relationship is slowly coming to its end, but neither of them are fighting it, and he thinks that says it all.

“Oh,” Liam sighs, “Well, Ni’s heart is big, he’ll forgive you. You know he will. You just need to stop disappearing mate. It’s one thing if the world can’t find you- totally different when your friends can’t.” When Harry looks back over at him, Liam looks stern, almost like he’s threatening Harry. He can’t help but smile at him.

“Li, I’m not going to walk away from any of you. Didn’t really mean to the first time. I’m not going to lie, you guys have your careers figured out more that I do. But I’m working on it… listening less to ‘management’ and more to myself.” He’s learned his lesson. He’s better with all of them as friends not past acquaintances. He needs their grounding influences more than he thought, Niall even moreso.

“I’m holding you to that.” Liam laughs, pulling into the driveway Harry points him to.

“Yeah, I’ve just got to prove it to Niall now too.” Harry tells him. But for some reason, Liam’s relaxed response gives him hope. He knows that he was a bit of a dick when they first started the hiatus, but he’s realized a lot of things he didn’t know before. Mostly that Jeff doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about most of the time and he needs to learn to trust his instincts a lot better.

“Haz, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all drifted apart at first. It was natural. We spent almost every waking moment together for almost 5 years. It’s okay that you went off- did your own thing. We ALL did.  We’re still friends. We’re still 1D.”

He watches Liam drive away and can’t help but think he’s already reinforcing bridges- ones he didn’t exactly burn down- but they could use some love and he’s going to make sure they get it.

\----

Liam can't help but think it through on the way back to Louis’ house. It all makes the last two years fall more into place. He wasn’t expecting for Harry to confide in him, and he’s really glad he did.  He’s thinking that even though he did promise not to say anything- he thinks it might not be such a bad idea to talk it through with Tommo. The whole point of tonight had been to initiate getting them back to the way they were. Now, he knows that it's not going to be as easy as he thought. Niall is a lot more sensitive than Liam ever gave him credit for, and Harry has one of the biggest hearts but he's not always the best at thinking everything though.  

The quiet drive gives him plenty of time to think. He doesn't want to betray Harry's trust but he needs Louis help to try to fix this, the question is can he manage to do both?

He pulls the car into Louis’ garage then heads inside to find the other lad. He peeks around before seeing the patio door open. When he heads that way he finds him smoking out on the deck, sprawled in a lawn chair.

“That was fucking awkward.” Liam announces.

“The drive back or…” Louis asks on a puff of smoke.

“No, tonight.” Liam clarifies because honestly the drive to drop Harry off had been relaxed and easy. It was comforting to realize the that Harry he knew is still in there.  

“Yeah, not at first and then boom it was bad.” Louis grabs his cigarette taking a long calming breath in and out blowing the smoke away from Liam, “It’s almost like a mystery. They were nothing like they used to be. They didn’t even fucking touch, other than the two hugs.”

“I know. That was weird, I guess I’m just too used to seeing them all over each other.” When he thinks of Niall and Harry that was always so prominent. They were always touching, hugging, up in each other’s space. If they were in the same room they were joined at the hip.

“Let’s look at what we know. Has H spilled anything to you?” Louis finally ask after letting Liam light his own cig. Liam isn’t usually one to gossip. He loves Harry, and loves that they still trust each other.

“Yeah, he actually talked to me quite a bit on the drive home. But he asked me not to really say anything.”  Liam sits down across from him.

“Is it going to affect how we get them back to normal?” Louis asks, raising that one eyebrow in question, eyes sharp as he stares at Liam.

“Yeah, actually, it kinda explains the whole thing.” Or at least it does for him anyway.  

“Well, shit. Then am I gonna have to fucking guess?” Louis mutters glaring at him.

“Lets just say this, you know that _thing_ that we always wondered if it ever happened? Well it did…on that last  X-factor night.” It wasn’t like Liam and Louis were blind, they could see the way that Niall and Harry looked at each other, the way they _were_ with each other. Liam distinctly remembers multiple times they’d found them together, in bed, sleeping or watching telly. He’d always wondered but it wasn’t until later that he found out that Louis often wondered the same thing.

“Ooohhhh,”  Louis draws the sound out both brows reaching for his hairline.

“Yeah,”  Liam nods.

“Just like once? But they’ve seen each other a few times now?” Louis questions. Liam knows where he’s coming from though; he can still see it  now, the shock on Niall’s face, the quickly covered look of betrayal until he’d given Harry a weird kinda-sorta hug.

“Every time they’ve been around each other there have been a ton of people right? The radio shows, H’s concert, and then there was the ‘we can survive’ thing. Harry said that Niall spent most of the night talking with Gemma and Anne…” Liam offers up.

“Wait wait wait wait just a second… Let’s think… What kind of damage are we working with here?”  Louis asks, and Liam really isn’t sure if he’s asking him or talking to himself.

“I think that the best way to describe it would be that  Harry didn’t really think everything through and because if it Niall ended up hurt.” Liam explains- because that’s how he read the situation. He’s certainly not going to tell Louis that Harry left Niall alone in a hotel room without a word. He’d punch him the next time he saw him.

“Alright. Let’s think of  the timeline then… what’s happened over the last two years to cause Nialler and H to go from basically married to total strangers?” Because that _is_ how they used to be, like a married couple.  The two of them were close, so close that the rest of them were a bit jealous of how close they were. But he’d had Tommo and they were almost just as close. So he gets it he does, but Niall and Harry had always walked that line between friends and something _more._

“So there was the X factor performance and party and then they left together.” Louis starts “And then there was their _thing_ , but then it went straight to, fuck…”  Louis pauses as it starts to come together in his head, “St. Barts, Kendall and the yacht and the paparazzi pictures of him signing of his contract.”

“Yeah, H apologized for that too by the way. Seems like he’s finally figured out for himself what we were always trying to tell him.” Liam adds in. It’s not like they don’t like Jeff, they do- he’s been a great friend to Harry- but sometimes it’s not a great idea for your manager to be your best friend.

“That Jeff doesn’t know shit?” Louis laughs, and Liam joins in because they were both a little bitter about all the seeds Jeff placed in Harry’s head that got them to where they are now.  But it’s okay, because _now_ is pretty amazing.

“Alright so right after that Niall disappeared to Asia for months and we barely heard a thing.” Liam fills in.

“Then we find out through the press that Harry’s doing a movie,” They all had been a bit hurt by that even though Harry hadn’t really been keeping it a secret. They knew that he was going for the part, but he was keeping it pretty quiet until he knew for sure. “Oh and then Niall was papped with Celine at the music festival. Did H talk to you about that at all?” Louis volleys back to Liam

“It didn’t come up tonight and he sort of avoided the topic back then. I’d asked if he had met her or heard about her. But he didn’t want to talk about it.” Liam answers after drawing on his memory. The last couple years have been nuts, between Cheryl and Bear it had been hard enough to keep track of his own life, let alone his bandmates.

“Ok then ‘This Town’ drops and it’s a bit more melancholy than our boy usually is.” Liam feels excited as they build the story piecing together what’s going on.

“Then there was your X factor performance, Christmas break, and then after when Niall was a bit too busy to meet with all of us us as a group, but still found time for you and me.”

“Yeah, then Harry’s album drops, and he’s written a song about his phone missing someone’s calls, but he’s also noticeably shy to mention us or the band in his promo, while all Niall has done, like you & I, is answer endless 1D questions.” Louis volleys back to him.

“Then movie promo.” Liam adds on. “And Robin…”

“Yeah, Robin,” Louis can’t help but pause, thinking of the loss all of them have experienced at the hands of the last couple years, “Then there was Camille and they became kinda sorta public or publicly known of anyway.” Louis finishes after thinking.

“Then the Vegas show where Niall flew in late and missed Harry.” Louis can’t help it, his voice gets a bit louder as they really finally start to piece it together.

“We can survive, which Anne, Gemma, and Camille were all at.”

“Then Niall drops an album of heartbreak songs.”

“And now here we are.” Louis finishes.

“I mean that’s close enough.”

“But does that means that H broke Niall’s heart?” Louis can’t help but look at Liam.

“This is Harry we’re talking about though; you know he didn’t do it on purpose. He just doesn’t always think things all the way through…” Liam says, but his heart aches a bit like he’s experiencing Niall’s second hand heart break.

“Yeah, H never really thinks things through like he should. But we know that nothing ever happened on tour. As much as we joked about it and as much as they flirted they both kept it professional.”  One thing Louis knows for sure is that Niall and Harry would never lie to them.

“Yeah, but it was over the night of the X-factor party.”  Liam points out.

“But like a week later he was on a yacht with fucking Kendall Jenner. Why would he shag Niall and then do that?” Louis asks, but he knows Liam can’t give him an answer. When the hiatus started they’d all drifted away for a while, it was easy, because for so long all they had had was each other. But not for long and hey all found their ways back to each other- or at least they were working on it.

“But that brings us to now… right?  So what do we do?” Liam asks shaking his head. He’s right, they can’t do anything about the past- hell they can’t even be sure that it went down the way they think it did.  

Louis pauses trying to think. “What can we do? Are they happy the way they are right now?” He shakes his head instantly because they both know that they aren’t. He’s been dealing with Niall’s forced happiness for a while now- obviously he’s been happy- had some great times, loves his life- but he probably misses one of his best friends.

“You know they aren’t.” Liam laughs as he rolls his eyes at him, taking a lighter to his cigarette, 2018- he’s going to quit –that’s the plan anyway, but he tells Louis that every single year.

“Yeah, but two years of damage control? What the hell are we supposed to do?” Louis groans.

“And what’s the end goal? Friends? Or more?” Liam asks.

“That is the question isn’t it?” Louis just looks back at Liam.

“And what’s our plan?” Liam asks- because this isn’t all for nothing and if he knows Tommo he’s going to have a plan.

“Let’s sleep on it....Something will come to us.” Louis tells him, “But seriously let’s call it a night. I’m knackered.”

\----

_“Is this a mistake?” Niall’s voice is soft, so soft, especially when Harry can feel his heart beating under the hand he has on his chest. But that’s okay his heart is racing just as fast. He can’t help but think that they have been heading toward this moment since day one._

_“No, its us, we’re never a mistake_ .” _Harry tells him and that’s the truth, when they’re together- they’re invincible._

Harry blinks awake, the suns falling in sharp lines across the bed. It’s always a bit weird staying at Camille’s place when she’s not here. He doesn’t even really sleep well when he’s here either way. But she’ll be here later this week and he figures their talk will happen then. They both know the break up is coming.  

They’ve never really fit together in each other’s lives they way that they had hoped. He was always hoping that he would be able to finds something special, something organic. But it wasn’t until October of last year that he’d realized what was wrong and it came in two quick strikes.

The first thing was walking off stage and into Niall’s arms. And sure, their hug may not have been as natural as it used to be, second nature, but it still felt like home. Niall had felt different in his arms, leaner, toner from starting tour, and smelled of a new cologne he ended up having to research because he didn’t recognize it. It’d been too long since he’d held him. In all the time Harry has known Niall this was the first time he had felt like he had changed. And Harry didn’t like it… it wasn’t that he didn’t like that he _had_ changed- change was normal- it was more that Harry wasn’t around to see it- to be a part of it.

The second thing, though, the second thing was huge even though it only lasted a second. He was off stage heading back to where Gemma and his mum were standing when he saw it. Niall reaching out a hand and introducing himself to Camille. Watching as he gave her a smile, he could see was fake, but he knew they didn’t catch it. Then it was him stepping up and giving her a hug. It had made Harry freeze mid step. 

He didn't start walking again until they were standing side by side. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured on his head and all he could see was who he had left behind was leagues above who he had now. Not that Camille isn’t a great person… but she’s just not Niall. She’s not his best friend who used to know him inside and out. It was then that realized that so much of what Jeff had preached was wrong. How could be being spotted with his band mates...his friends…. be a bad thing? How could socializing with them and talking about them in interviews be bad? Why did he have to distance himself _so far_ from One Direction?

The truth was, that he didn’t.

It was then that he started reaching out to Niall and at first he didn’t think anything of it, the fact that Niall didn’t answer, he was busy, he was on his promo tour, his album had just dropped. But then he’d finally listened to the album and it might have been a bit egotistical, but he thought there were traces of him in a few of those songs.

Then Liam called trying to arrange a get together with the four of them… and because Harry hadn’t succeeded in getting Niall to respond to him he was going to make sure he was there on the chance that Niall would be too .  

It’s been two days since he’s seen him, and as he diall’s Niall’s number he figures that’s long enough.  

The last thing he expects is for Niall to actually answer the phone, it breaks the trend of the last few month of hearing his phone go to voicemail.

“Harry? What the hell?” Niall asks. His voice is rough and sleepy, he must have woken him up.

“What? No hello?” He asks but he can’t help but smile.

“Seriously why are you call me at... 7:30 in the fucking morning?” His voice is gruff but not really that sharp- he knows what a pissed off Niall sounds like, this isn’t it.

“Well, good morning to you too. And I’m sorry, I forgot how much you aren’t really a morning person.”  Harry says softly, sympathetically. He’s in the kitchen puttering around, making some tea, this flat hasn’t really ever felt comforting and Harry should really start considering new places to stay.

“Yeah, I’m really not, so…” He stops talking, waiting for Harry to say something, but Harry’s bit lost.  He thought it was a good idea to call- and now he just doesn’t know what to say. He knows _what_ he wants to say but he’s pretty sure now isn’t the time.

“So I was thinking.  You know when we talked at Louis’, that maybe we should think about sooner rather than later.” Harry mumbles, for some reason he can’t really seem to find the right words to explain, instead he finds himself rambling, “I wanted to try to explain, like I said, and I want to hear about you, and what’s been going on. So I thought maybe we could, I don’t know, talk and at the same time eat and drink coffee?”

“Harry you’re talkin’ in fuckin’ cirlces. What are you on about?” He can hear the shuffling of sheets and fabric as Niall moves around, Harry assumes he’s sitting up. Harry stops himself from getting lost in thought remembering what he looks like tangled in hotel sheets.  

“Ni, you’ve always been able to understand what I’m saying, that hasn’t changed.” Harry sighs because maybe he should have thought this conversation through a bit more.

“Why are ya calling me at, 7:30… Harry it is 7:30 in the fucking morning, what is so important?” Now he definitely sounds grumpy- he really did forget how much Niall despises the mornings.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee?” And okay he probably should have waited a couple more hours. There is a sigh on the other end of the line.

“No, but I will get lunch with you. Tommo and I are already planning on it and I’m sure you can join. I’ll text you later, I’m going back to bed.” Harry has to pull away and look at his phone to see that- sure enough Niall has ended the call… but in all honesty that went a little better than he had hoped.  

Although it wasn’t going to be just him and Niall he can see why Niall would still want to avoid being alone with him- however he was able to talk to Liam last night so maybe he could do the same with Tommo today.

It’s only a couple hours later that he gets a time and an address sent to his phone. He already got his workout and shower in and he’s feeling pretty hungry by this point. Coffee and a banana only lasts so long.  

He trusts Louis and Niall to find a spot that won’t be crawling with paps but he dresses low-key anyway, straight leg jeans and a t-shirt. Really all he has to do is cover his hair and most people don’t recognize him anyway. He pulls a black beanie from his suitcase and heads out the door when he gets the text that his ride is here.

Traffic in LA is slow going almost at any point in time and it takes him a bit longer to get there than he wanted to. The little bistro sits on the corner quiet in comparison to the busy street it sits on. He gets out of the car, keeping his head down as crosses the street.

He spots them instantly when he walks in, Niall in a snapback, jeans, and tshirt, Louis in a t-shirt and sweats. Niall is laughing, he can’t hear it but he can see it, Louis smirks as he obviously takes credit for the laughter, but making Niall laugh used to be his job; and he wants it back.

He heads over, and when Louis looks overs his smile doesn’t change, but Niall’s diminishes just a bit as he looks his way. He needs to fix that- but at least now he knows it’s fixable.  

He imagined much worse from Niall; the thing is that Niall was- _is-_ pretty good at hiding his emotions to save others. Harry’s seen him do it more than once.

“Hey,”  He greets them both, a little startled when Niall scoots out of the booth to stand, but he takes it as the gift horse it is and takes two quick steps forward and wraps his arms around his waist. Niall lets out a huff that could be a laugh and returns the hug with a lot less affection than he’s used to. Harry figures he’s going to have to work on that too.

“Hey.” Niall’s voice is soft as he pulls away and lets Harry into the booth- it’s then that he puts it together- Louis wasn’t moving- obviously not interested in sharing his side, but Niall’s a lefty, he was switching spots with Harry for convenience.

He fights not to blush.

He scoots into the booth, debates about taking his beanie off, but both Niall and Louis left their hats on so he follows their lead. Then grabs a menu that’s stashed behind the napkin holder. “What’s good here?”  

“Everything.” Niall tells him, pulling the menu out of his hand and motioning him to get another.  “Thanks.” He smiles, Harry’s guessing in reference to the menu he just stole.

“Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?” Harry asks, perusing the menu waiting for something to catch his eye.

“According to the radio show on my way in, Niall’s dating someone new.” Louis whispers conspiratorially. Harry’s eyes snap up to Louis, and instead of looking at Niall he’s looking straight at Harry, those eyes of his are often to shrewd for his own good. He’s looking for a reaction- Louis knows _something._

“Shut up, Tommo, you know that she and I are just friends.” Niall on the other hand doesn’t bat an eyelash. “You three got your steady girlfriends, I’m not in a rush.” He flips over his menu to the back then puts it down to look up at them. He raises a brow at their confused looks. “What?”

“You know it’s okay to actually want to date people right?” Louis asks, laughing a bit, “You don’t have to be afraid of commitment.”

“Oh, I’m not. I was ready to commit a while back, but it didn’t work out and I leave for tour in less than two months. If I’m going to date someone I want to be able to work on it. A seven month tour makes that even harder. And she would have to work anyway. It’s not like she would be able to tour with me.  Not like Mr. Styles’ girl here.” Niall nods his head over to Harry but still doesn't look his way.

It’s odd, whenever they used to sit like this, they would be glued together, legs and arms pressed tight.  But the inches feel like feet- a distance that Harry can’t cover no matter how hard he tries. He can’t even remember a time when Niall referred to him as Mr. Styles. He doesn’t like it.

“Well it didn’t really save the relationship. I think I’m going to be looking for a new place to stay. My house here is still up for sale and I have the place in New York, but I need to be here for a while still before heading back to London.” Harry tells them.  

He’s not really worried about where he’ll stay- he could always stay with Ben or Jeff; but more and more he’s been thinking that he wants to go back to his older roots.

“Sorry to hear that.” Niall’s voice does sound regretful.

“We had a good go of it, but I think it’s safe to say both of us knew it wasn’t forever.” It’s true, there haven’t been any huge fights or disagreements- it’s more like they floated together and now they’re floating apart.

The server finally comes their way- getting their drink order, then their food order, the topic of conversation changes- meanders- and he finds much like the other night, he’s comfortable in his own skin in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. He knows for a fact that it’s them- Niall and Louis- that make him feel like he’s home again. No one here is thinking about an agenda or the next move or a strategy. He doesn’t have to  question if either of these people are a _real_ friend. He _knows_ that they are- even two somewhat strained years later.

It’s right before the meal that Niall excuses himself to the loo. Harry nods, watches him walk away, before Louis clears his throat demanding his attention.

“So is going solo everything you dreamed it would be?” Louis finally asks him, and he looks a little bitter about it.

“Ahh, no, it’s not quite all that I thought it would be. I miss you guys a lot.” Honesty worked with Liam so he’s going to assume it’s going to work here too- even though he did already have a pretty long chat with Louis just the other night.

“Liam mentioned that you finally realized that Jeff doesn’t have all the answers.” Harry remembers the conversations- how Louis and the others weren’t huge fans of Jeff and they way that Jeff worked to separate Harry from the rest of them.

“Let’s just say I now realized that having a good friend for a manager isn’t always the best idea and that everyone has their own agenda.” Harry tells him. It took a bit, but now more that ever he realizes that it’s a good idea to separate business and pleasure.

“So Liam tells me that you made things right with him, so that’s two of us. Have you done it with ol’ Nialler yet?” After talking with Liam the other night- he knew that he needed to have that same sort of honesty with Louis _and_ Niall. He knows that he isn’t the only one to blame- they’d all failed in the communication department. But he does know now that that he’d blindsided them all by not telling them he was signing a contract in December of 2015. He knows now that was why _he_ was blindsided too, by Niall’s signing to Capitol, Liam posting his signing on Instagram and the random Thursday release of This Town. He at least knew those things might be coming-that they would all need a backup plan, something to occupy their time now that they were aware of Harry’s three album contract. The others had no idea that he was going to be on a yacht two weeks after the X-Factor signing a contract- but to be honest- he didn’t either.

“Ahh, kinda,” Harry stutters, “I mean I know you’ll still give me shit about it even though I’ve said I’m sorry. But it’s just harder with him. Disappointing Niall is almost as bad as disappoint my mum.” And that is the truth. Knowing that Niall might even be a little bit disappointed is heart-wrenching.

“I think we all hate disappointing Niall. He’s going to make a great Da someday using that skill.” Louis laughs, “So where are you going to stay if you’re moving out of Camille’s place?”  

“I wouldn’t call it moving out, more like just packing my suitcase.” Harry considers, “Hey! What about you? Can I stay at your place?”

“No sir, El’s coming to stay. Besides if anyone caught wind of that it would be fucking Larry fever all over again.” Louis mutters, shaking his head.

“Yeah, no. I get it.” Harry tells him and the conversation lulls as Niall returns to the table.

“My turn.” Louis pops up next, giving Harry a _look,_ before heading the way that Niall just came from. Harry looks over to Niall and he’s fidgeting a bit with his napkin before settling it in his lap.

“So the other night didn’t go as I planned.” Harry tells him and Niall looks up at him, resigned. “No, don’t say anything. Just listen, I”m sorry. I’m sorry for expecting you to call and taking the cowardly way out when you didn’t. I’m sorry for not telling you that I was going to be on a yacht signing my contract, which was Jeff’s idea by the way. I’m sorry I went along with it, I’m sorry I thought it would be a good idea to ignore the fact that One Direction is the foundation of my future. I’m sorry about not being 100% transparent. But you guys weren't either.”

“We followed your lead, Haz. That’s all we did. Louis and Liam stayed close, you didn’t.” Niall’s voice is back to the hiss it was the other night but Harry ignores it- just keeps plowing forward.

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry.” He finally just gives in, he places his hand on Niall’s thigh. He can’t help but remember what that skin felt like, prickly hair over soft skin and lean muscle.

Niall finally looks his way and sighs, shoulders losing the tension they held only seconds ago, “I know you are. But why’d you have to wait so long to figure it out?” Niall finally asks. He rest his elbow on the table, then his chin his palm as he turns at looks at Harry under his elephant snapback. He looks tired.

“You know I’m slow on the uptake without you around. But at least I did… figure it out I mean-eventually.” Harry tells him, voice quiet. Niall’s looking at him the way he used to, soft and fond; it makes his heart jump in his chest, the way it always did back then.

“Yeah, maybe there is hope for you yet.” Then Niall’s hand falls on top of his- and his heart stops. Niall’s touching him- voluntarily. He flips his hand over, underneath Niall’s and gives his hand a squeeze.  

Niall’s hands are always warm, fingers strong and callused from years of guitar play- but the most important part is they feel the same to Harry.

“Yeah,” Harry whispers when Niall pulls his hand away when he catches Louis walking back their way. “There’s hope yet.”   

Hours later when Harry’s walking through the complex back to Camille’s place, he can safely say for the first time he’s happiest he’s been, off stage, in a long time.

\----

_The sun shining into his eyes is what wakes him. There is just a small gap in the curtains, but enough to let the morning sun glare into his eyes. He can’t help the groan as he turns to his other side, before it sinks it that something’s not quite right._

_Last night… early this morning… he was not in this bed alone. Now that he’s turned he can smell Harry’s coconut shampoo on the pillowcase, his cologne is mixed with other scents on the sheets. But when he opens his eyes the room is empty._

_He turns full over, reaching to the night stand to turn on the lamp. It clicks on as a soft white light fills the room. His clothes, his blue suit, maroon tie, white shirt are scattered on the floor. His luggage is sitting on the stand in the corner, open, just like last night, but Harry’s clothes are gone. Missing from the collage on the floor is the red flowered pattern. Instead there is nothing that’s not Niall’s._

_He feels like he can’t breathe. His heart freezes in his chest._

_Niall sits up, the sheet pooling at his waist, he takes deep breaths, counts them,_ one, two, three _, until he gets to ten and his pulse is almost back to normal._

_It’s nothing, Harry’s just showering, but it’s too quiet, he would hear the shower from here, so no, maybe he went to get coffee, pick up breakfast or something. It doesn't exactly make sense, they have a kettle in the room and room service is always a better option than being caught._

_But there is no way… no way, Harry would just leave him here._

_Niall shakes his head and walks to the bathroom, in a daze. He feels off center, mind and body not syncing up like they normally do in the morning. His mind sluggish with thoughts of_  Harry _. He goes through his morning routine, brushing his teeth, showering; he can’t help but notice the bruises on his neck. That is something new. But they’re low enough. He’ll be able to cover them._

_He keeps jumping every time he hears something in the hall… a random knock on a nearby door, housekeeping, room service. But after an hour, only a half hour from check out time, he can no longer deny what is obvious- Harry left him._

_He can’t help but look at the bed, sheets out of place, nothing quite where it should be. Last night he fell into that bed, with his best friend. Harry’s lean muscled body pressed him into the mattress, kissed him like he was drowning, and wrapped his large, ringed hand around both their dicks getting them both off within seconds of each other._

_Niall drops back down the bed with a sigh, it’s not like he didn’t know that this would happen. He knew that he wasn’t enough to keep Harry interested, but he thought it might last more than a night. He thought Harry would at least respect him enough to tell him. Hell they fell asleep wrapped around each other last night- not that it was completely new- but the naked part was._

_He just can’t pin down what he did wrong. Maybe he was just naive- he thought that now that the band was on hiatus_ _they could explore this_ thing _that has been teasing them for the past two years. But no…_

_He was obviously wrong._

_He tidies up the bathroom, texts for a car, and packs his bag, noting dully that a pair of sweats and t-shirt are missing. The only things that Harry would be able to wear of his. Harry didn’t have a room booked, didn’t plan on staying- was going to go straight home last night until this happened._

_But god damn it he had asked- he asked him point blank-_ “Is this a mistake?” _and_ _he’d said no- but he must have changed his mind._

_He finally grabs his phone, for the first time anger overwhelms the hurt. Five years- they’ve know each other five years? And this… this is how he gets treated? Left behind like an awkward one night stand?_

_But something stops him from hitting the call button- didn’t Harry already tell him everything he needed to know? Harry showed him exactly what Niall is worth to him- nothing._

_After all actions always speak louder than words._

_Maybe it’s time? To take this hiatus seriously, and figure out what comes after One Direction._

_His heart stops when his phone beeps- but it’s just the text- letting him know his car is here._

_He can’t stop himself from looking back at the bed, if he closes his eyes he can see him, getting up, shifting Niall’s arms from around him to get out of bed. He can almost see the panicked look on Harry’s face when he looks down and realizes that he slept with him, and all their chemistry and build up was nothing- it was all worked out in one night for him. So he grabbed his things, a change of clothes and walked out the door._

_Harry never knew that Niall was in love with him, and it should stay that way._

_So he doesn’t call._

_He doesn’t text._

_The email chain stays pretty silent._

_And he sure as hell doesn’t cry when the tabloids report that Harry’s on a yacht near Saint Barts with his ex-girlfriend and Jeff to sign a rumored three album contract with Columbia._

_All he knows now is that his backpacking trip to Asia is a go-_

_It’s time to get away._

_\----_

Louis stares at the blank screen waiting for the call to connect. It’s only a couple more rings before Liam’s face fills the screen and he skips the greetings and small talk. “Harry’s going to ask you to stay at your LA house and you need to tell him no.” Louis orders Liam but the other lad just raises his eyebrows obvious a bit surprised at his abruptness.

“Well hello to you too - and why am I doing that? I don’t actually mind if he stays at my place.” Liam tells him.  He seems a bit distracted but he is out on the road right now, doing promo for ‘For You.’ His brown eyes are warm- they always are- but they’re tired as well with dark circles underneath them, it seems that the promo part of being solo is a bit tougher than it was sharing the load with four other lads.

“Well, H, Neil, and I went out to lunch. Harry happened to mentioned that Camille and him aren’t going to last much longer and that he needs to find a new place to stay. He asked to stay here. I said no. I think he’ll ask you next. But our goal is to get him to ask Nialler, because you and I both know that Niall has never been able to tell Harry no.” Louis finishes.

“But how are you going to get him to ask Niall?” Liam points out.

“I’m not. You are. We know that Niall will be here for about three more weeks before he leaves to start tour rehearsals. So all you have to do is not let him stay at your place.” Louis nods, because this could work.  If they can get the two of them to just spend time together he’s sure they can work it out. Hell Niall was the one that invited Harry out to eat. That alone was a huge step and the awkward tension from the night they all hung out was almost completely gone. Granted they weren't back to what he was used to seeing but he was hopeful that they were on their way.

“That’s your master plan? For me to tell him no and send him to Niall’s instead? What’s to stop him from asking Jeff or Ben or James for that matter? He’s stayed with them multiple time before.” Liam argues and it’s valid.

“You’re supposed to be helping me here. You have sway, mate. Harry opened up to you!” Louis huffs out annoyed.

“Really the only thing we have going in our favor is that he probably _wants_ to stay with Niall. He told me that ‘he wants him back’ whatever the hell he means by that.”  Liam looks away from the screen and Louis can hear someone talking to him. He obviously didn’t pick the best time to call. “How do we make sure Niall lets him stay?” Liam asks.

“He’s never been able to tell Harry no. Remember that time that Harry talked him into a juice cleanse.  Granted he only stayed on it a day, but all Harry did was beg a little. You just have to put the idea into Harry’s head. That it’s a _good idea._ ” Louis can't really explain why he thinks this is such a good idea. He just has a feeling that this is what they both need and it requires a lot less work from both him and Liam. It's not like he likes trying to figure out ways to manipulate two of his best friends into seeing each other.  

“You seem to have a sudden confidence in my ability to be persuasive.” Liam laughs but he looks a little nervous. Liam's not great at being even slightly manipulative- he's always relied on honesty.

“I just have this feeling that if we can actually get them to spend time alone they’ll work all of this out on their own.” Louis sighs and pulls off his snapback to run his hands through his hair. “I feel like we should have picked up on this a long time ago.” He can’t help but feel a bit guilty about it. They had all been best friends for five years. He can’t believe that he didn’t pick up on it sooner.

“We’ve been over this already. We both know that there is nothing for us to feel bad about. I mean we just found out the whole story last week.” Liam eyes are pleading, “Let’s not go down that road.”

He knows logically that Liam’s right. But it also just unsettles him that two of his friends aren’t where they used to be- and it would be different if it was a change they had both opted for. But they didn’t- this is a very obvious mistake and he thinks they want to see it corrected. He knows Niall’s happy, he’s seen him more than any of the others over the break, but he also knows that he could be _happier._ He knows that Harry makes Niall happy. Their friendship has always heartwarming, sometimes sickeningly sweet to see, but to Louis it’s a requirement to keep his world in place. If Niall and Harry aren’t _NiallandHarry_ then nothing is right in the world.

“Ok, off they guilt train, but I really think that if you could just place the idea in his head, he’ll go for it.  You are the only one he told the whole story to. He trusts you.” Louis nods his head. It’s the truth- everyone trust Liam.

“I’ll try- but no promises. If he ends up at Jeff’s it’s not my fault. And are we really just assuming that Niall is going to let him stay? Just like, ‘Sure, H. Why not? Just like old times.’ You think he’ll just let him in?”

“I do. Niall has never been able to tell Harry no, think of one time… I dare you! One time that Niall has told Harry no. He’s not going to turn him away when he’s in need. He might still be mad or hurt or what the fuck ever- but he won’t turn Harry away.” He stops to think, how is this going to work? “Just make sure you tell Harry to look pathetic or something. Ohh and the puppy eyes- Harry does great puppy eyes- you know the look.”

Liam can’t help but laugh at that, probably because he knows that Louis is right- but there does seem to be a flutter of activity going on, wherever the hell Liam is at.

“I’ll give it my best- but hey I gotta go- catch you later?”

“Yeah, later mate.” The screen goes black quicker that he would have liked but all of their lives are pretty hectic right now- but it just goes to show- he misses his lads more than he ever thought he would.

\----

_It’s warm, but that’s not an odd occurrence, especially not after falling asleep in bed with Niall. He always finds himself wrapped up with him, this time is no different with Niall plastered against his back, arm slung over his waist, a warm pleasant weight against his skin. What really makes this so different is how last night ended._

_They have spent years, teasing each other, dancing around each other, circling around and around, never really giving in for the uncertainty of what it would do or could do to the band, the dynamic that all of them shared. But now the band was over- there was nothing to ‘fuck up’ at least not any more._

_There is a soft distinguishable sound, a phone vibrating and it’s enough to pull him from his thoughts, it must have been what woke him up as well. He's careful when he pulls away from Niall, but the other lad still lets out a huff of discontent when Harry pulls completely away; But when he looks back over his shoulder, Niall’s already sprawled into the empty space, face still relaxed in slumber. He finds his pants first, keeping them in his hands while he tries to find his phone, left in the back pocket of his slacks from last night. When he picks it up there are a slew of notifications and alerts, but he clicks into messages to see that Jeff has been texting him for the past hour._

**_Ready to leave the ‘boy band’ behind?_ **

**_Time to become your own legend_ **

**_Big BIG plans_ **

**_Are you ready?_ **

_They've talked about it. Started making tentative plans for the future, talked movie roles and album deals, even clothing lines and maybe modeling. But more than anything he's ready to rest. Just for a little while anyway. The last few years have been amazing but it was all at a breakneck pace. He's ready to choose his own pace now. Spend the Holidays with Mum, Robin, and Gemma, relax a bit, write some music, finally at his own pace instead of One Direction’s pace._

_But he doesn’t know what to tell Niall. He doesn’t even know what to think right now._

**_Where are you? We have a meeting in two hours_ **

_Harry sighs as he reads that last text, it’s the one that just came through- the one that pulled him from bed. A nice warm bed still filled with his best friend. A bed, if he's honest, that he wants to climb back into and avoid the outside world and the very adult decisions he's going  to have to make too soon._

_This isn't what he thought was going to happen last night. Not with how emotional the performances had been and how sad Niall had looked. But that sad lost look has gone away as soon as Harry was near him. So he just never left his side last night;  he can't stand to see that look on Niall's face- he deserves to be happy-_ always. _But that leads him to now- what is he supposed to do now?_

_He needs to go. He can't just avoid this meeting to hide in bed with Niall. And he obviously can’t meet Jeff wearing last nights suit… it was a bit iconic to wear two days in a row._

_He remembers crealy how they ended up in Niall’s room last night. Harry had decided he didn’t need a room, he was going to go home at least that was his plan. But Niall always wanted to be safe over sorry and booked a room in case he drank too much, but that wasn’t what the room ended up getting used for.  Neither of them were really drunk, sure they had a couple drinks, but not enough to make last night something other than what it was._

Perfect.

_Niall’s luggage sits in the corner, tidy and packed- always efficient.  He should have a couple things big enough for Harry to squeeze into, he might be able to wear the black button up from last night. Maybe…._

_He gathers up his clothes, folding the wrinkled fabric, but really it’s a distraction more than anything. Because he just can’t wrap his head around it… Last night… this morning… One Direction actually being_ over.

_And this… now...How do you wake up your best friend and tell them that last night was amazing but it can’t happen again anytime soon? Jeff has already talked about it. Explained it all to Harry. He already knows that his new management team doesn’t want him around the lads, wants him to completely shed the boy band image- at least until they decide on the reunion._

_He shuffles through Niall’s luggage as neatly as possible, grabbing a pair of joggers, then a shirt since his button up won’t work with the joggers. Even Niall’s largest clothes are still a bit too tight on him.  It’s not the most professional look, but it’s just Jeff._

_He sneaks into the bathroom, part of him trying to be quiet the other part of him hoping Niall wakes up. Even after he washes his face and brushes his teeth with the hotel’s complimentary kit, Niall’s still sleeping._

_He sits down on the edge of the bed, brushes a soft hand over his hair, wonders if he’ll let it grow out now that he doesn’t need to be the_ blond one _. Even in his sleep he curls in a little closer to Harry- Niall was always the best cuddler of them all. But looking at Niall, so soft and sleepy...he just doesn’t know how to do it, how to explain it. How to wake him up just to leave him. He'll have to see that sad look on his face and he worked to hard to avoid that all last night to be the reason it comes back today._

 _This wasn’t a mistake, last night, it wasn’t too many drinks or compilation of bad decisions- it was what had been building for years but they were too professional to let it happen. They were_ bandmates. _He can't stop himself from leaning down and pressing a kiss into on to his forehead, then a gentle press to the corner of his lips._

 _Niall’s phone is on the nightstand. Seeing it triggers the thought. He knows that it’s a shit move- it’s probably the most cowardly thing that he could do. But this wouldn’t be the first time Niall would call him and tell him what a twat he was. He’ll just_ leave, _then Niall will call him and he can explain over the phone so he doesn’t have to see the disappointment in those beautiful blue eyes. Niall is always the one who calls him out on his shit. When he’s being too ‘famous’ or ‘posh’ or just being an idiot. So he has no doubt that Niall will call. Because people don’t leave their best friends in bed alone after the first shag- or any shag for that matter._

_He finally stands, waiting and watching to see if it will be enough to wake Niall, but he still doesn’t stir. It breaks his heart because that's how much Niall trusts him… he'd never sleep like this around anyone else.  He still doesn't stir as he takes the few steps to the door and nothing still as he closes the door behind him._

_He can’t stop looking at his phone, all day, between the meeting, then travelling home, it not until his mum finally asks, “Expecting a call, love?” that he puts his phone down, dread pooling in his gut. It's been hours, almost all day and Niall hasn't called him, and he's at a loss for what he should do._

_But after that first day he doesn’t call, then that first week, and then Harry doesn’t know_ how _to call him._

_He should, he obviously should but he doesn’t._

_Harry’s not even sure how to start that conversation._

_It's just two weeks later and he’s even less sure how he ends up on a Kardashian/Jenner Yacht to sign his contract for all the paparazzi to see, because this isn’t relaxing.  This isn’t his pace and he certainly doesn’t agree with Jeff that this was a great idea._

_This isn’t the start he’d wanted at all._

_\----_

Liam’s heart sinks when his phone finally rings, proudly displaying Harry’s name with his selfie picture from a couple years back, long hair, tongue out. He quickly silences the phone but the call is still blinking there-waiting to be answered. He’s been dreading this, he’s such an awful liar

Cheryl looks up from where she’s reading something on her phone, “Aren’t you going to get it?”  her voice is soft, curious from the other end of their kitchen table.

“Yeah, just, Harry wants to stay at our place in LA.” He looks towards her, it’s later in the evening, she has her evening cuppa in front of her, face free of make-up. She’s beautiful, even now exhausted from a long day with Bear.

“You mean the one that you’re remodeling?” She questions- and wait? God- he’s a freaking idiot. He completely forgot about that.

That makes it a lot easier to answer the phone.

“Haz, what’s up mate?”

Talking on the phone is always a bit challenging with Harry. It’s not like it is with Louis, who is always busy and words spilling out fast as he works to get Liam on the same page. But Harry- he's different, Liam doesn't have the patience to concentrate on every word, waiting for Harry to piece together the story, comment, or question in his head before he finally spills it out.  

Harry's words are drifting back and forth, asking about Cheryl, Bear, music, and round and round. Liam can't help but smile because Harry is so bad about asking for favors. He always has been. He has a heart of gold and hates inconveniencing others. Liam knows why he's calling, hell, Harry probably even knows that Liam knows why he's calling. But finally the questions just fall into his lap.

"So Camille and I are kinda sorta officially over and I need a place to crash for a couple weeks before I head back to London. Can you help me out?" Harry's voice is bordering on shy- Liam knows why, and feels bad that he can't answer with a ‘yes.’

"Ah, mate, I can't, our place is getting remodeled. Have you talked to Niall?" Liam senses Cheryl's head pop up, she knows the story, Liam filling her in late at night one night while he and Louis plotted ways to get Niall and Harry back on speaking terms. Her brown eyes are wide as she looks at him surprised, but then a small smile curves on her lips and Liam knows she's 100% behind the idea. Her initial surprise is echoed on the other end of the phone line.

"Uh, I don't think that we're really ready for that?" Harry's words are stuttering, obviously the idea was something he hadn't even considered.  

"Sure you are, right? Niall can't hold on to anger. You talked; apologized... how else do you plan to get your friendship back on track if you're scared to spend time with him?" Liam asks and he can’t stop his own smile. That’s a pretty damn good point and he’s proud of it.

"I'm not scared of Niall!  No one is scared of Niall." His voice comes across the phone in a burst.

"Kinda seems like it. You're the one who wants to be back on even ground. He's got like four spare bedrooms in that house. There is room for you- but room for both of you to hide too." He points out.  This might be easier than he thought.

"What if I call and he says no?" Harry finally questions, voice soft and unsure and this is not the Harry he knows.   

"So don't let him, I'll text you his address, just show up at his door. Niall's never been able to say no to you." Liam lets the 'he loves you too much' go unsaid. But he's not an idiot- he's pretty sure he sees it more than they do. Niall and Harry are a mess- and the world won't really be right again until they are back to how they should be. If that means that Liam is here playing some sort of friendship/blooming relationship cupid so be it.

"I know where he lives, probably even know his gate code- he always uses the same number....” Harry huffs out, then pauses before, “Do you really think that's okay. That seems a bit... forward?" Liam's never heard Harry's voice this quiet- this insecure before.

"Would you have done it two and a half years ago. Just show up on his door, use the key he gave you, and make yourself at home?" He asks it because he knows that Harry has. He's done that very thing multiple times.  

"But..." the _things were different then,_ goes unsaid.

"This is the perfect opportunity. Sure he might say no but you need to try, right? You would have done it in the past, you wouldn't have called me to ask because you would already have a place to stay." And that's the truth. He can only think of one time that he and Harry crashed together and to this day he still can't remember why.

The only reason he knows that Harry didn't hang up is because he can hear his deep breaths and then a sigh.

“Okay.” He mutters.

"That's my boy! Let me know how it goes, yeah?" Liam asks.

"Yeah, I can, I'll try." Harry whispers

"Do not try, just do.” Liam laughs a bit at his Star Wars quote knowing the Harry most likely doesn't get it. “And don't worry Harry. It’s Niall. Even with all this shit going on- it’s still _Niall._ ” He can't help the need to try to make Harry feel more comfortable. "But seriously just swing by, he won't be able to look you in they eye and say no. Then you'll have the next two weeks before you both leave for tour to get this shit completely straightened out."

“I don't know if I can handle him telling me no.” Harry finally admits.     

“Well trust me when I say he won't. If you don't have faith then I'll have it for you.”

After he hangs up- he can't help but feel nervous for Harry. It’s stressful, he knows it is, but he can't help but think its a good thing that Harry's even considering this, but it’s better than going to stay with James, Ben, or Jeff. Maybe what Harry needs is a bit more Niall in his life.

\----

It's just for shits and giggles that he leaves it on the channel. He's only seen the movie a couple times, but the joy of embarrassing Hailee is enough. She blushes and laughs but proceeds to tell him one of the inside jokes that happened behind the scenes.  

She's over as a friend- that's all they are still. But she's single now- something that she hasn't been since he's known her- and her tone, words, and demeanor are just a bit more flirty now- and he's knows that soon he's going to have to make that decision. Date a friend or just leave it alone.  

The thing is she's amazing, one of the most genuine people he's ever met- doesn't hurt that she's just his type, tall, brunette, and dark eyed.  

She's had some wine, he's had a couple beers, and over the last couple weeks they've been trying to figure this thing out- deciding if they want to be friends or more than friends. They haven't talked about it yet, but he knows it’s what they are both thinking about- if the way she's still a bit shy and tentative around him in the way she never used to be is anything to go by.  

It’s only half way through the movie when he hears his gate open. Odd- Mully's not back for another three weeks from Holiday with his family and he's not expecting anyone else. Hailee must sense his confusion because she’s looking at him with dark eyes, widened.

"Not expecting anyone?" She asks, grabbing the remote from beside her and pausing the movie and it falls silent. He gets up and tries to look out the window but the trees are in his way, but he can hear the distinct sound of a car door slam.  

"No," He gets up and heads toward the front door when the doorbell rings. And what the hell? Who has his gate code but doesn't walk right in his house? The list is very very short. His home is like a second home to most of his friends. He prefers it that way.

When he finally peaks out the front glass by the front door, the black SUV is not familiar to him but the tall, muscular frame at his door is achingly so. He can't help but take a deep breath, because he's here. Niall's not sure why he's here, but something made Harry come to his door.

When he pulls the door open he can't help but drink Harry in from head to toe. He still doesn't dress like the Harry from his memories, instead he's wearing straight leg jeans, vans, and a long sleeve sweatshirt. He can't help but notice his posture hasn't changed, toes pitched inward, back slightly hunched.      

For a moment he's struck a bit dumb, doesn't know what to say, but what ends up coming out of his mouth is, "A sweatshirt in LA, mate? Are you cold?"

"Uh, not really, but yeah, I was in a bit of... well it’s a bit hard to explain, well not really hard, just I don't think you really care. God... I mean it’s not that you don't care, that's not what I meant at all I'm just... shit." He finally pauses and runs a hand through his hair. Even from a few steps away Niall can see his hand shaking. He’s obviously nervous and on edge and it had to be something at least somewhat bad to send him to Niall’s door.

"Haz, are you all right?" He can't help but be a bit concerned. The Harry he's seeing now is nothing like the Harry he saw just last week. Sure, last week he was shy and apologetic, but his confidence never waivered.

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine. I just- need a place to stay for a bit. Can-can I stay with you? Please?" He finally sputters out.  

"Oh," and that's not what he was expecting at all. It definitely explains why he’s all nervous- Harry’s always hated asking for favors. He can’t help but look up to Harry’s face and those gorgeous green eyes of his are pleading silently with him and Niall's was never really good at standing up to his puppy dog look. He goes to answer, but instead Harry starts rambling- pretty fast for Harry and he has to concentrate to actually keep up.

"Well it’s just that my house is on the market, so I'm not supposed to be there, but Camille and I are not well- unfriendly- but we aren't really together anymore so staying there is weird and James has the new baby and I'm really trying to have more professional boundaries with Jeff- but that's a whole other story... and I don't really know where else to go- Liam's remodeling, Louis has El staying over and I always used to be able to... oh..." He snaps his gaze back up to Harry’s face from where it had trailed down his body to his hands where his long graceful fingers were nervously tangling together. But  his eyes aren’t on Niall's anymore, instead his gaze is over his shoulder, "I’m so sorry. I should have called. I didn't realize you had...that you weren't... It's okay, I'll find a hotel."

He’s shaking his head and not meeting his eyes and it bothers Niall more than it should. Even though he and Harry aren’t on the best of terms yet, he doesn’t like to see him like this- Harry is still a person that is important to him whether he wants to admit it or not. Niall turns his head to peak over his shoulder and it only takes him a second to figure out what has cause Harry to become so unconfident. Hailee has made her way to the entryway from where he had left her on the couch, obviously curious to who had ended up showing up on his doorstep this late. When he looks back at Harry he can't really stand to see the other man so discomposed and as always with Harry his first instinct is to sooth.

"Hey, H. It’s alright. You're not interrupting anything. Just, its fine, come on in." He finally moves out of the doorway, letting Harry into the house, with small hesitant steps that don’t match his tall lanky frame or the confidence that normally radiates off of him in waves.

"I'm gonna head out." Hailee tells him, in the time he’s invited Harry inside she’s already grabbed her purse and keys. She's intuitive, so smart considering she's barely 21- but then again- many say he’s wise beyond his years too. She doesn't know anything though- she doesn't know why this is pretty weird and awkward for him, one of his best friends that he did sleep with meeting the best friend he’s considering sleeping with- even though neither of them know that.  

When he looks back at Harry he can’t help but recognize the way that he’s squaring his shoulders up; the way that he's standing taller, slump in his shoulders disappearing. Niall recognizes that fake smile and how his eyes have turned sharp and intense. It’s odd how he can look at Harry and see him as an almost stranger but still see such familiar things- even though this emotion is one that he rarely saw, it was more prevalent from their younger days when one of the other boys would draw his attention away from Harry.

Harry’s jealous.

"Hi Hailee, nice to meet you." it doesn’t matter the circumstance however, Harry is ever the gentleman, extending his hand for an introduction.

"Nice to meet you, too. Niall always talks so much about you." She smiles and shakes his hand and  Harry's eyes flick to his and he can feel his cheeks warm. It’s not that he means to talk about him- not really- but some of his best memories are with Harry. It always makes for some amazing stories and he can’t help but share them. Besides, it’s not like he’s clinging to the memories of an ex. It’s Harry- his best friend for almost five years- it’s nothing to be embarrassed of- at least that’s what he tells himself as his cheeks continue to redden.

Hailee walks his way and he wraps her up in a hug.  She always smells so good, like soft powder, vanilla, and coconut. It’s something he’s become much more familiar with over the last month as they’ve started to get closer, investigating the connection they have- trying to find out if its _more_. She presses a kiss to his cheek, lips soft and plush, but he can’t help himself from looking over at Harry through his lashes, noting the other boy watching with an almost glare.

"Don't worry, I've seen this movie like 100 times, I know what happens." He can't help but bark out a laugh tuning back into Hailee and squeezing her tight before letting her go, "I'll pick something better next time." She promises and he feels a little bit better about this. She obviously doesn't feel like she’s being thrown out or ignored. Harry showing up randomly really hasn’t ruined anything- or at least it doesn’t feel like it.

"Thanks and sorry." He presses a return kiss to her cheek and she heads out the door sending a smile over her shoulder and waves as she closes the door behind her.

"So..." Harry drags the word out and Niall just can’t. Because he can see the way that Harry’s eyebrow is raised suggestively even though the look in his eyes much more somber.

"Don't even." Niall sends a glare Harry's way. He _knows_ this. He's seen how Harry acts when he's jealous. He recognizes it, but it surprises him because he doesn’t know why it’s popped up now. He can’t be sure if Hailee is the target or himself. Doesn’t want to think too hard about what either of those options might mean and he’s not thinking about which one he would prefer, because he’s over this, _right?_ “We’re just friends.” And that should be that. But Harry just gives him this long look, green eyes intense until it’s almost uncomfortable.

"I didn't really mean to interrupt, I should have called but, well, I thought it might be harder to say no in person?" Harry shrugs his shoulders and he looks just a bit ashamed of showing up on Niall’s door or staring or something- there are a lot of things he could be ashamed of- but really showing up at Niall’s door shouldn’t be one. Three years ago, Niall would have had a special mug for Harry and his favorite tea stocked.- but he threw them out last year as a last ditch effort to indeed prove that he was completely over what happened. He’s starting to wonder if that is really the case. But last year he always would have loved to have Harry show up at his door- to show him that Niall actually meant something to him. But right now Niall just wishes that he could read Harry like he used to- but it’s been too long, somethings are still so clear- others… not so much.   

“Why me?” Niall can’t help but ask, but then he thinks back to the list Harry rattled off at his door. “Or am I the last resort?”

“I want you to be my first resort, always, that’s why I’m here instead of Jeff’s or Ben’s. They have a room for me but I want- I really want- a room here instead.” Harry looks sincere. Since that night just a few weeks back, Harry made it obvious he wants to backpedal. It makes Niall wonder _what if_ he had picked up the phone one of the many times Harry called. Maybe they would be farther ahead than they are right now.

The thing is Niall got his apology, the one he’d been wanting since the moment he woke up. He witnessed Harry’s remorse and his adamant response that Niall interpreted his leaving all wrong. A year ago all he wanted was for Harry to acknowledge that he had done something to be sorry about- and he has.  Unknowingly Harry has done everything Niall hasn’t even asked. The reasonable side of his head tells him it’s time to let this go. It fights with the more emotional side that wants to make Harry suffer like he did- even though he knows that Harry did- in his own way. He still wants _more_ from Harry- he just doesn’t know what.

“You’ll always have a room here, idiot.” Is what he ends up saying. His heart settles because saying the truth out loud is somehow freeing and seeing the relief in those bright green eyes and his broad shoulders relax is another bonus.“C’mon, let’s grab your things, move you in, and you can tell me all about it over a beer.”  Because that’s what friends do, right?

It’s easy to walk out to the SUV with Harry, grab his bags. He shows him the spare bedroom farthest from his but he doesn’t want to think about why he doesn’t want Harry sleeping all that close to him yet.  Just a few years ago he wouldn’t have even bothered to make Harry stay in another room- they were used to sleeping side by side. Looking back on it now- outside of the situation- he can see how odd that really was, how close their connection was and where it was heading to.

But there was a time that he slept better with Harry nearby; where he could hear his deep sleeping breathes and match them to his own. There were times, after shows, or just nerve wracking days that counting Harry’s sleeping breathes was the only way he could get himself to fall into a restful slumber. It is strange looking back on it now, to see how much he really was dependant on having Harry by his side.  He never realized it until he didn’t him there anymore.

But he has other ways now of dealing now, it’s not like Harry’s ever going to be that close to him anymore- not like they used to be.

It’s barely a half hour later that they’re finally sitting down on the sofa, beer in hand, changed in to comfier clothes, that Niall’s finally inviting him, “You can talk about it if you want.” But he really doesn’t want to hear about it. He had a hard enough time meeting Camille, trying not to compare himself to her, wondering what she had that he had been missing that made Harry not interested in what he had to offer.

Harry shrugs his shoulders, “Not really much to talk about, we both knew the end was near, neither of us really did anything about it. I’m about to go on tour and she has a new roommate. We worked together because we weren’t really serious about one another.”

“But change, even when it’s expected isn’t always easy.” Niall knows that first hand. He’s drifted from girlfriend to lover, having it work because neither of them wanted to put too much effort in. But he also knows that’s not how a real relationship works.  

“Honestly it should have happened sooner but I’m shit at being alone. You know that. But I think this is the change I’m looking for. I want different things now than I did a year ago. So I’m working towards that change. ” It sounds ominous and Niall’s not even quite sure how he needs to take that- is that directed towards him? Is this implying _again_ that he wants that close friendship back with him?

He takes a chug of his beer instead of asking the question. He’s not ready for the answer anyway.  Right now, being around Harry is putting him on edge.

“So you don’t feel the need to cry in your beer?” Niall asks, deciding instead to lighten the tone.He wants to get back into familiar territory and now the best territory to be in with Harry is small talk.   Luckily it works and that gets a chuckle out of Harry.

“No, I’m thinking more it's time to curl up in bed and start the day over tomorrow.” Niall watches as he polishes off his beer, so he does the same to fill the time.  

Harry stands, stretching, and he hates that he can’t stop looking, can never stop looking at Harry, his t-shirt rises and his joggers have fallen low on his hips, so that the dark ink of his laurels can be seen.  He hates that he remembers Harry’s tattoos, can't figure out if he hates it more that there are now some that are unknown to him, that he didn’t see them inked on his skin or scabbed over and healing.

Harry extends a hand and Niall takes it before he even realizes what he’s doing.  But Harry just pulls him him up to his feet, then wraps him up in a hug and as much as he hates it- he loves that it’s still so achingly familiar.

“Thank you for not saying no.” It’s whispered into his neck, Harry tucking his head down like he used to do every time they would wrap their arms around each other. Oddly enough, being wrapped in Harry’s arms is the most comfortable he’s been all night and he’s right back to thinking things he doesn’t want to think about.

“Yeah, mi casa tu casa, ya  know?” Niall whispers, letting himself return the hug. Harry still smells the same and it’s comforting to find yet another thing that hasn’t changed.

“Goodnight.” He can feel Harry’s breath on his neck, lips so close to his own skin, but they don’t touch.  He doesn’t press in like he maybe would have in the past.

“Yeah, goodnight, Haz.”  He can’t help but watch Harry shuffle away, down the hall and up the stairs. He hates himself for wanting to to drink in every detail. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, having Harry here. Maybe this is what they need to heal their friendship that they both lost sight of at the end of 2015.

So yeah, he can do this. He can talk with Harry, maybe they can share some memories, and rehash old times… just as long as they don’t talk about _that_ night… then Niall will be fine.

He makes his own way towards bed and when he gets to his own bedroom door he can’t help but look down the hall. Harry’s door is open- a soft light escaping through the crack. For some reason he can’t help but think that means something, so when he walks though his own bedroom door he closes it tight behind him.

Let Harry interpret that how he wants.

\----

Morning comes quicker than Harry would like. He was hoping he would be able to sleep in just a little bit longer but it seems like it doesn’t matter what time zone- he always seems to wake up with the sun. So he pulls himself out of bed and after getting somewhat dressed and teeth brushed he finds himself wandering around Niall’s house.

He can’t help but look for things of his own. Niall’s old house always had something of Harry’s, it was like Harry couldn’t help but leave something behind whenever he was around. He remembers once telling Niall it was because he wanted Niall to always have something to remember him by- he can’t help but think now how those things affected Niall when they were apart. When Niall was healing from a broken heart and Harry was finding out the hard way that sometimes you can’t be friends with everyone you work with.

In a strange way, just being here already makes him feel closer to Niall. Liam was right; this was a good idea. Last night may have had some strange or tense moments but the night overall had been easy- comfortable even. While it wasn’t to the normal _Niall_ level of comfort it was more than he thought he would get; the two of them on the sofa drinking the heavy lager that Niall likes. He went to bed early just because he didn’t trust himself- didn’t want to push his luck.

After searching the kitchen he leaves the door unlocked and makes a quick trip to the grocery store. Niall had plenty of food but he was severely missing fruits and veggies. Once he puts them away he makes use of the small gym before he’s back in the kitchen. It only takes him a few minutes to find the magic bullet he’d gifted Niall. He’s making himself a smoothie when he hears the light steps upstairs cueing him in that Niall is most likely awake.  

On a whim he throws one together for Niall. He’s not a social media novice- he knows how it works and it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t follow Niall- he knows by his regular stalking of his instagram that he’s developed a pretty bad case of acid reflux. So he’s careful what he puts in, nothing to acid or citrusy this early in the morning. It only takes him a couple minutes to find Niall’s stash of protein powder that he normally uses to help get tour-ready and he adds that to the smoothie, dipping his finger in to taste test it when he’s done. It’s good- better than the one he made himself actually. He’s really going to have to remember to start writing these recipes down.   

He’s just finished getting it ready when Niall pads into the kitchen. He’s just in a pair of loose joggers and a baggy t-shirt, but it makes him look soft and warm. He can’t help but think that if he would have seen this a couple years ago he would have walked over and given him a tight hug. Now he just says, “good morning.”

Niall looks up at him, almost like he’s startled and Harry lets out a laugh, hoping it covers the hurt, “Did you forget I was here?”

“Not when you’re making such a racket.” Niall tells him, yawning. Harry still thinks it’s adorable. He looks like a soft sleepy kitten. He sits down on the stool at the island and watches as Harry tidies up. He can feel Niall’s eyes on him.

“I made you a shake. I assume you are getting ready for tour too?” Harry asks, pushing the peach mango vanilla shake over to Niall. He knows the tour routine- cardio three to five times a week, weightlifting three to four times a week, with a focus on building stamina.  

“Yeah, starts next month. Yours too right?” He questions, but Harry knows that Niall already knows- because he knows and remembers everything.

“Yes… but tell me about yours.” Harry asks, leaning on the counter, drinking his shake that is mostly green due to the spinach he added.

“Hmm?” Niall asks, taking a sip of his smoothie, “Mmm, this is good, thanks Haz.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome. Now tell me about your tour- where you're going, what your stage looks like, what covers are you doing? Tell me everything.” Harry demands leaning in. And he does… he wants to know everything.

“Really?” Niall asks and Harry wants to be mad that Niall’s questioning his intent, but instead he just nods.

“Yeah, you nutter. Tell me all about it.”

Watching Niall talk about music is hypnotizing, but watching him talk about _his_ music, _his_ album, and _his_ tour is magical… and even though they end up talking about their separate tours instead of the One Direction tour it seems like nothing has changed.

That morning ends up being pretty amazing, if Harry can say so himself. It sets the trend for the rest of the week. He wakes up early, ends up using the small gym Niall has, or braves an outdoor run, then makes the both of them breakfast when he hears Niall start to stir.

He can’t help but notice that Niall’s master suite door is always closed though. It’s odd-hurtful almost- to him because a few years ago that door was always open- hell he never even bothered to have his own room, just crashed in Niall’s.   

He has to fight the urge to not bring up things. Those odd occurrences like the New Year's yacht fiasco, the signing of the contract, and so much more that he still hasn’t gotten to fully explain. But he doesn’t think Niall wants to hear them, doesn’t know if he will ever get to tell him. So many times he’s bitten his tongue already. It’s selfish- he knows it is- because it’s obvious that Niall doesn’t want to talk about it. That he’s done, the conversations that they’ve had was enough for him- but Harry can’t help but feel like he’s still not forgiven. There is still a wall between them that was never there before- and he doesn’t like it.

But he lets it pass- because this at least is comfortable; this is familiar; but he finds himself stopping from saying the fun flirty things he used to say. They don’t joke as much as they used to. But he finds that he’s still amazingly good at making Niall laugh and now that he’s getting back some of his footing back with Niall, he realizes that he won’t just be happy with some of it- he wants it all back.  

And if it takes one really awkward awful conversation to do it- then he’s going to do it. Because Niall’s worth it- they’re worth it.

\----

In a way it’s strange having Harry here but also feels completely normal. He guesses that it’s a testament to their friendship that they seem to fall so easily back into what they were. The only thing missing is the flirting and all the touching.

Harry has been a complete and utter gentleman- and Niall actually hates it.

He misses Harry’s head in his lap. He misses Harry invading his space or reading over his shoulders. He misses the normal hugs and the cuddles that Harry so freely gave out. But that’s part of the problem.  He’s already gone down that road. He doesn’t need to do it again, he’s seen how it ends. So as the first week closes and they move into the second week Niall faces the fact that this is how their new friendship will be. Maybe this will be the new norm for them- separate ends of the couch with every conversation starting with small talk that they used to not need.

He can’t help but think that this is just a show, an act that Harry’s putting on. Niall almost has himself convinced that as soon as they go on tour- that everything will change back to the way it used to how it was before Liam, Louis, and Harry decided to knock him for a loop and surprise him that night. He can’t help but think that Harry will become a stranger again and this is just a passing phase.

But it’s nice, in a way, to know they can always come back to this- that they will always have this level of friendship and comfort. But he knows that this is it. Even though Harry hasn’t said anything- he knows that he’s trying to shed that boy band image- and unfortunately for Niall that’s what he is. Anytime the two of them get linked together the words One Direction will automatically be associated with it- and that is something Harry just doesn’t want.

It’s surprising that the two weeks pass in relative peace. They fall into a completely comfortable routine and while there are a couple moments of odd tension; like when Niall called Harry ‘pet’ or Harry commented on his arse in a pair of shorts; most of their time was spent in their ‘new’ relative normalcy.  

Except for tonight; he can’t help but get the feeling that something is coming tonight. Harry keeps looking at him and he’ll open his mouth like he’s going to say something before just shaking his head and walking away, or saying something asinine about dogs in sunglasses or cats in coats or something else that is incredibly _Harry._

It’s been going on for almost an hour before he loses his patience. He knows that Harry wants to talk- wants to say something- probably about the elephant in the room they’ve been dancing around for two weeks- but he can’t handle all this tension he’s creating and he leaves tomorrow afternoon. He was hoping for a relaxing night but he knows that’s not happening now.

He grabs the remote off the sofa between them and pauses the game- its’ on a delay anyway- Twitter has already told him who’s going to win- fucking spoilers.

“Alright. Spit it out.” He looks over at Harry and that must be enough to snap Harry out of it.  

“What?” He asks, green eyes all innocent, but Niall can see right through that shit. He’s just startled he got caught.

“You’ve been wanting to say something all night. So just say it. You’ve only got me for tonight before I’m off.”  Niall tells him and he has to stop himself from messing with remote in his hands in nervousness.

“Oh, you picked up on that?” Harry looks a bit disappointed. “I’m still trying to work it out in my head first.”

“And when has that work out for you like you wanted?” Niall asks. “What’s going on?”

“So I know you said it didn’t matter… but I never really got a chance to explain. And I know you don’t want to hear excuses but I feel like I should be able to say what I need to and you should at least hear it.” Harry’s looking at him, determination apparent on his face.

“You really want to do this now?” Niall asks, fights to keep the whine out of his voice and it makes Harry smile.

“Just let me say my piece?” And he can never tell Harry no- even when he should- like right now- he really should. What they have going now is fine. They don’t need to dig through all his emotional baggage he’s created over the last couple years.

“Fine.” He waves his hand towards Harry, indicating for him to ‘say his piece.’

“So I know the last thing you want to hear is excuses, but I want you to know it’s not an excuse, just an explanation. I guess it starts with Jeff, right?” Harry had looked away when he’d started to talk but now he looks back to Niall just to make sure he has his attention. “So there’s Jeff and all the people Jeff introduced me to and they kept whispering, talking, saying that I was the ‘next big thing,’ ‘the 1D golden goose,’ ...whatever. But I let it go to my head, especially when we were on the press tour for AM, even more right after.

“And I made bad decisions. Mostly in trusting the wrong people. It only took me a few months to realize that Jeff’s vision for me wasn’t really matching up with mine. He was good about the movie and the idea of Jamaica for the album recording but he was convinced- _convinced_  that I needed to stop associating with you guys and not mention the band. And I let him convince me.

“I believed it even more when you didn’t call and then I couldn’t call because I just didn’t know what to say. But the truth was that I left because I couldn’t tell you to your face that my soon-to-be management team wanted me to leave you behind. All of you.” Harry pauses like he’s looking for the right words.  Niall knows that’s why he often talks so slow- because Harry’s always so scared of saying the wrong thing or hurting someone unintentionally.

“I really realized it when I got your email, about Asia, then congratulating me on the album release, then that one voice mail after Robin passed. I couldn’t believe that I had missed your call, but when I called back you didn’t answer. After that everytime I called you, you didn’t answer. Then I found out from Lou of all people that you were at my show. And I thought ‘this is it, we can figure this out.’ But you were surrounded by your Irish crew and we barely even saw each other.

“Then there was the benefit concert, right? That’s the night everything changed for me because you met Camille- and nothing should have changed- not really- but all I could do was look at the two of you together and even though I thought I was in love with her… she had nothing on you.”

Niall takes a minute, trying to take in what Harry’s saying and he’s still not sure what Harry’s trying to tell him. So he goes with honesty, “I just… I don’t know even know what to say to that.”  

“Well just let me finish… so when I finally got a call from Liam about meeting here in January I was surprised that he said it would be all of us. They’d picked up on something and I ended up telling Liam in the car on the way home and then I told him I wanted you back- and I do- however you’ll take me. I’m a better person when I’m around you. And my worlds a better place with you in it. I like it here, with you and I want to always have a room in your house and always have a key to your front door like I used to.”  Harry seems to have gotten a bit of his confidence back, looking steadily at Niall, but he can’t hold those green eyes.

Harry gave him honesty so he’s going to do the same.  

“You might say that now, but as soon as your tour starts, you’ll be back to your fancy suits and your flashy shows and that’s okay- your show is amazing and its very _you-_ but I doubt I’ll hear from you for about nine months and I highly doubt I’ll ever see you at one of my shows. God forbid Harry Styles be seen with one of his former bandmates.”

“No, that’s not fair Ni-”  

Niall cuts Harry off before he can say anything- “I know it’s not H, but we can’t go back to what we were.  We aren’t in One D anymore, we aren’t those fun loving boys anymore. I can’t end up in that same position with you, questioning my fucking sanity. I had literally just had my first kinda sorta shag with a guy, my best friend to be exact, and I woke up to an empty bed.”

“Well, I hope you didn’t worry about performance because yours was ace.” Harry tells him and Niall can’t help but laugh.

“Shit, that thought never even crossed my mind. I just figured it only took one go to work it out of your system and you were done and then I was left with all this fucking emotion baggage.” He does his best to keep it non-accusing, he really doesn’t want to start a fight here. This is his last night before leaving for London. He wants to leave on a good note and sleep well tonight.

“I think it would take more like a lifetime to get ‘it’ out of my system.” Harry says it so soft that Niall decides that it’s just best to ignore that statement; he doesn’t know what else to do with a sentiment like that. But Harry seems to be done talking. Now he’s just watching Niall with a little bit of apprehension.

“Do you feel better?” Niall finally asks, and he hates that Harry might have been a little right. It does help to hear it- and it’s comforting to know that it wasn’t all Harry- that there were people feeding him ideas. He’s always know that sometimes Harry is a bit to naive and trusting- hates that it took Harry so long to figure things out.

“Yeah, you?” Harry ask, his voice sounds a bit pleading so Niall looks up from his lap were he was messing with the cord on his joggers.

“I don’t know yet, so I think I’m just going to head to bed.” He looks at Harry’s face and laughs, “Don’t fucking pout, you’re fine. I’m not mad at you. I just need to sleep on it. Good night Haz.” He stands up, drops the remote in Harry’s lap and walks to the stairs. He can feel Harry’s gaze on him all the way up the stairs.

He’s barely conscious of leaving his door open but when he notices it he doesn’t go back to close the door. Instead he leaves it as it is; he falls asleep easier than he has all week.

\----

Today is just like any other day he tells himself. Harry wakes up early- jogs, comes back sweaty and dirty. The early morning shower is cool and refreshing, a comfort from the warm balmy LA air. He’s changed into comfy clothes, joggers and a t-shirt and now his thoughts are solely on breakfast. It’s a day just like any other day. It doesn’t matter that Niall is flying out for London tonight leaving him here for the next three days alone until he flys out himself. He needs to go down and start making breakfast and wait for the shuffle of Niall’s feet as he comes down the stairs. But he can't help but pause in the hallway outside Niall's door.  

He spotted it when he went to bed last night and it gave him pause then too.This morning he stopped at the door and pressed it open a little wider, spotting the other lad sprawled out in bed. Niall never was a morning person- he’s actually pretty sure its the _only_ thing Niall _really_ hated about him.

He can’t help but think its a pretty big deal. For the first time since he’s been here Niall’s bedroom door is partially open, for the last two weeks the door has firmly been shut- literally keeping Harry out and putting up a physical barrier.  But now he can see Niall sprawled out on his back, sheets and blanket twisted around his hips and waist. This is new and completely unexpected and maybe oversharing last night had been a good thing? Maybe it did something to help build something back up. Because Niall’s door is still open for the first time and feels like a big fucking deal right now.

In a way it hurts though because he can think of many times when he could have just walked right in there, climbed into bed with him for a cuddle, no questions asked. He wants to do it again now- but it almost feels like intrusion- something he’s never felt with Niall before. He doesn’t like questioning himself around Niall.  

“I can feel you watching me.” Niall’s voice is rough with sleep, but he turns his gaze to the door, eyes barely open, Harry can only just make out a sliver of blue.

“I was just remembering when I would feel homesick and would just climb into bed with you and it would all be okay.” So many memories of crawling into Niall's bunk, missing home, and his mum, and real food, being comforted by the fact he wasn't the only one missing those things and that Niall would always smell vaguely of home or something that felt like it.

“Are you feeling homesick now?” Niall asks, eyes still barely open, but even as Harry shakes his head Niall’s raising the blanket and the sheets and Harry takes it as the invitation he hopes it is crossing the room and crawling into Niall’s sleep warm bed. He lies on his belly hugging one of Niall's pillows under him, head turned to watch Niall let his eyes flutter shut as the light sheets fall gently down over their bodies.

“I’m feeling like I’m home in for the first time in a long time.” It’s true, even though the last couple weeks have had some odd, tense moments, he's more relaxed than he's been in ages. Last night was good for them, he’s sure of it now. He’s glad he pushed.

“Is solo life all you thought it would be?” Niall doesn't sound angry or hurt, not like he did the first time Harry mentioned taking a break- that tense meeting with whispered harsh words where feelings were hurt a lot more than he thought. That was never his intent ever…. It was just hadn’t they outgrown it?  Wasn't it time to move on from One Direction… leave their security blanket behind?

“It’s lonelier than I thought. What about you?” He’s connecting with his band, slowly but surely. They’re amazing people, amazing musicians and it’s a great group of people to surround him. But they aren’t Niall- they don’t keep him _grounded_ like he used to. At this point Harry knows that no one can do that like Niall can. It’s a unique Niall skill.

“I never really thought about solo until it was the only option for me.” Harry knows that’s true, realized it for the first time when Niall look betrayed at the idea of taking time off. “But my band is amazing and the crowds are fucking fantastic.”

“Yeah.” Harry agrees, they have been amazing, so warm and welcoming. Other than right here- the stage is the place he feels most at home. “Shouldn’t this be weird?” Harry ends up asking before really thinking it through.

“What?” Niall asks, his breathing is slow, steady, just on the verge of falling back to sleep, like having Harry in his bed doesn’t bother him at all.

“Letting me crawl in bed with you? It should be right? After the last time we were in… well…”  Harry doesn’t really know how to finish that, because he really didn’t mean to bring it up, not this way again.  But last night got him to thinking, Niall had never been with a guy before him, he’s curious to know if he has since- but he actually doesn’t want to know the answer.

Niall just huffs out a laugh, his eyes flutter open and he looks over at Harry. It still takes getting used to, the fact that Niall’s all dark hair and scruff now.  His eyes looks so much more blue now, or maybe Harry’s memories of Niall were fading. It’s comforting that his laugh is still the same, “Haz, we’ve spent more time in bed together doing nothing than doing something. Pretty sure all of that outweighs one mistake.”

“It wasn’t a mistake.” Harry whispers, his voice so soft he’s not even sure if it carries to Niall’s ears.

“Actions speak louder than words, your actions, _my_ actions afterwords say it was. I think we really just need to let it go. We made a mistake, it nearly ruined our friendship, and let’s move on.”

“But-” Harry doesn’t know what to say; they can’t leave it like that. They’ll never recover, never rebuild.  Niall’s right through, actions speak louder than words. He shuffles in closer and just like years ago, he can settle his head right on Niall’s shoulder, drop his arm around his waist and snuggle in. It only takes to the count of six seconds before he feels Niall’s arm wrap around his waist, the calluses on his fingertips still cause a shiver on his skin.  

“Actions speak louder than words, right?” He can’t help but mumble his thoughts out loud, he feels more than hears Niall’s ‘hmm’ in response. “So what actions do I have to take to prove you wrong?”

“What?” Niall’s voice is just a rumble under his ear where he’s cuddled up on his shoulder, but it’s familiar.   

“What actions?” Harry asks again.

“For what?”  

“My words can’t convince you that I’m sorry and that it wasn’t a mistake for me. Let me prove to you we’re worth it. Our friendship or kinda sorta maybe more than a friendship.” His words have failed him, he’s not always the best at speaking his mind, but maybe he doesn’t need to. He’s said everything that he could say… now it’s time to listen to what Niall’s saying.

“Harry, I don’t know what you’re expecting-what is it that you want?”  Niall’s voice is still soft, but its not sleepy like it was before, instead its tense and that’s not what he wants either.

“I want us back.”  He reluctantly pulls away bring his hands up to either side of Niall’s head and pressing up so he can look in his eyes. He also thinks it says something about their trust level that Niall’s body doesn’t tense up, “I want to know that we can be friends again and then after that I want to kiss you again and see if it’s as amazing as it was the first time.”

“Oh,” And that’s something he hasn’t seen in a while, Niall’s blush.

“Yeah, oh.” He can’t help his smile.  

“So I’ll have to think about that.” Niall tells him seriously, though his blush as moved down to his neck.  

“Yeah, and in the meantime, I’ll get to work on those actions that speak to you.” He doesn’t know what they are all yet, but he’s got a couple good ideas. He’s already trying to figure out which European show he can go to of Niall’s.

“Okay, you, uh, you do that?” The body beneath his finally starts to tense up a bit, but its not from nervous tension- more it’s time to get out of bed. “But how about you let me up so I can get packed.”  Niall pauses and he looks away from Harry, to check the time on his phone, before turning back to look him in the eye, “You want to take me to the airport?”

“Yeah, I’d love that actually.” He bounces off the bed, drawing a laugh from Niall and heads down stairs to make them breakfast like the normal routine they have fallen into.

Harry can’t help but notice that the morning is filled with a lot more glances back and forth, a few more blushes on Niall’s end and a few more smiles on his and he can safely say that his life feels complete when Niall initiates a hug when he drops him off at the airport. It’s the first time that Niall has really initiated any sort of actual contact.

Harry has never felt more confident than right now- he knows that he can prove to both of them- they’re worth it.

He just has to figure out the actions that are going to speak louder than all the words he’s already said.

\----

Niall’s really not sure what to think the next day when he gets a simple ‘good morning’ text from Harry. They only parted ways yesterday, but it always feels so much longer with the jetlag and trying to reset his internal clock. He can’t help just looking at his phone in confusion; he’s really at a loss of what to do. He and Harry had left on good terms. The best terms they’ve been on in a long time- he’s just not sure if he trusts himself _or Harry_ enough to just jump right back in again.

He’s tentative with his response joking back that it’s actually ‘good afternoon’ just because he can. Then Harry sends him a pic of the extra smoothie he’d made with the caption ‘forgot you left me’ with a sad face and Niall’s struck a bit dumb as to what to say after that. Even across the ocean Harry must pick up on it because he gets another text quick enough asking when rehearsals start.

It seems to start a new trend- at least for the next couple days. He never goes more than a half a day without hearing from Harry- which is extremely impressive considering the time difference and their history. Even when they were the best of friends Niall never heard from Harry this much- this _consistently._ He can’t help thinking it should be weird knowing that Harry’s at his house- without him- but instead he’s more comforted, because really that’s where Harry belongs anyway.

Niall knows he said some pretty honest things when they last spoke- they both did- but at least they have this now. The comfort level is slowly coming back and part of him dreads when they get back to where they were- _if_ they get back to where they were- because part of him wants it to lead right back to where it did the first time.

Looking back it’s pretty obvious that they were always heading toward where they ended up- now Niall just needs to figure out if it’s really in his best interest to head down that road again with Harry.  Because when he’d crawled into Niall’s bed yesterday morning it was pretty obvious that _that_ was exactly what Harry had wanted. The ‘ _I want to kiss you again’_ has echoed in Niall’s head more than anything else the last couple days. He hears it in his dreams- but even there he’s hesitant and unsure- never acting on it.

He can’t even say what made him look at his door that morning- he knew Harry was there- he could _feel_ him watching him. He’s even more unsure of what made him lift his blankets and invite him into his room and into his bed. But just like everything else they do- it was comfortable and perfect. He couldn’t help but be amazed that Harry still felt the same in his arms, that his hair still smelled like the same gel and salt spray that he always used. In the two weeks that Harry had spent at his house, Niall had learned more about him was the same than it was different.

But he’s not surprised when only a week into being back in London, he doesn’t get the same frequency of texts from Harry. There is nothing in the afternoon and nothing waiting for him the next morning. He tells himself that he’s not surprised, even if he is a bit disappointed. It is what he expected after all- what he had been bracing himself for all along.

He’s in rehearsals when his phone rings, he goes to silence it, but Harry’s name and number are flashing on the screen and they all need a break, so he calls one before answering his phone.

“Hello?” He doesn’t mean for it to come out as a question, wants to sound confident and sure when he’s talking with Harry- but he guesses he’s not quite there yet.

“Hiii,” It’s drawn out and familiar, like the way that Harry used to talk to him, but it’s been so long since they’ve actually talked on the phone that it makes him pause before replying back.

“Hey.” And he hates that he doesn’t know what to say. Hates that this isn’t familiar like it used to be and he yearns to go back in time and just fix it, because after the last few weeks he’d realized how much he really missed having Harry in his life. Having in Harry in his life doesn’t make him complete- or any of that romantic nonsense- he’s definitely comfortable on his own, but it certainly makes his life a lot more enjoyable.

“So, I’m in the same country as you again so I can call easier now.” There’s a pause and he can hear Harry’s deep breath, “Is that okay?”

“Yes, uh yeah, that’s- it’s okay.” Could he sound any more desperate? It’s not like he wants Harry to chase him. He still doesn’t know exactly what he wants, but he knows he was disappointed by having no contact yesterday and now that he knows Harry was on a transatlantic flight it makes a lot more sense.

“Good, that’s yeah… good. Did I interrupt you in rehearsals?” He can hear a bustling and the sound of an alarm a very familiar airport sound- could it be that the first thing Harry did was call him? No- that’s crazy and he’s not going to go down that road.

“No, I mean yeah we’re rehearsing- but no... we- we’re on a break.” He doesn’t know why this is so weird. It was one thing in text- everything was black and white and he could plan out what he wanted to say before typing it and sending it, leaving Harry to read it when he had time. But now Harry’s focus is solely on him and he can hear the tones and emotions in Harry’s voice. He doesn't want to hear it… not really,  he's not ready for the obvious affection he hears in his voice. Because Harry’s not hiding anything, but Niall’s not afraid to say he’s scared to do the same- to leave himself wide open for heartache again.

It was hard enough in person. Niall had no idea how hard it would actually be to have Harry in his house again. But one thing was more obvious now than ever, especially after the last three weeks. He was still at least a little bit in love with Harry.

He’d convinced himself that he had meant nothing to Harry; that it was just a one time deal and it was done. But Harry's explanation made sense in a _Harry_ sort of way. He owned up to it- didn’t make excuses, only offered explanations and at least it offered a bit of insight into his head - or at least where it had been two years ago.

And he wants to go back to what they were, but he also knows he's not quite that confident in Harry yet. The other man’s question still ringing in his mind… what can Harry do to make Niall be willing to chance getting burned a second time. He'd learned that lesson once before.

“Niall is this a bad time? I can call back later?” Niall snaps back to the conversation.

“No, you're good. When do your rehearsals start?” He lets Harry's voice sooth him, the slow and steady cadence of his words taking him back a few years when Harry's voice was all he needed to calm his nerves and fall into slumber so far from home.  

He doesn't know how long they talk, only knows that when they do finally hang up the band is waiting on him and he only feels a little bit guilty about making them wait on him.

Harry starts calling him more often after that, it's easier now that they aren't multiple time zones apart. But it's still strange that they are talking about concerts and touring when none of it will actually be done together; even stranger to think that they haven't been on stage together since 2015. He loved sharing the stage with Harry; loved the dancing, the laughter, and the connection they always seemed to share on stage. He loves his new band; he does; but it's not the same- sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse, but he wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.  

He doesn't want to think too hard about why he's disappointed Harry doesn't ask to meet up or to see him.  He knows that Harry needs to prep for Switzerland just like he does for his first show in Dublin. Logically he knows they don't have time but he can't help but wonder what ‘actions’ Harry might have thought up… or if it was all just talk. Harry's always talked a good game, always so sweet and charming, but he needs more than that.

Or he thinks he does- hell he’s not even sure anymore.  

But over the next couple weeks it’s obvious how hard Harry's trying, the fact that Harry’s calling him every day is already impressing him. Not only that but they have _real_ conversations. .. not just ‘hey, what's up?’ then hanging up the phone. He can't remember the last time he's had so many in depth conversations in such a short period of time.

And even he knows he can never deny Harry... so against his better judgement-instead of always waiting on Harry- he finally lets himself make a move.

\----

Harry won't lie, no matter how many times he's been on stage; the first show of any tour always makes him nervous. He spent this morning in the gym, and now he's trying to do some yoga just to calm his mind. He finds that focusing on the inhale and exhale of his breathing helps. It’s not like he doesn't know the fans will be amazing, he knows that they will be and they’ll know all the words. Well, except for the two new songs, and maybe that’s why he’s so nervous. But he wants them out there. Actually what he really wants is a certain person to hear them, but its not like he could just call Niall up and be like ‘Hey listen to these and tell me if you hear anything about us in them?’

He walks back from the gym to his dressing room, stripping down to hop into the shower and start getting ready for the show. He turns it on hot so that he can breathe in deep the steam from the heat- and relax his vocal cords. He’s tried to keep busy today and to keep his mind off his solo show. He’s fought the urge to call Niall multiple times just because he knows that Niall will be able to hear the nervousness, the edge in his voice and he doesn’t want to answer those questions yet. A lot has changed since he dropped Niall off at the airport.  

Their conversations are- well- _conversations_ again. They’re talking like they used to- but Harry just doesn’t know how to move past that. He keeps trying to think of more of those “actions” that will go to show Niall that he’s not just on the fence… not just trying to _mend_ fences- but that he’s completely invested in this- whatever this is.

What he really wants to do is prove Niall wrong- show up at one of his shows and show the world that he’s there. There is really only one tour date that would work, but Harry can’t help but be concerned that showing up too soon at one of Niall’s shows unannounced might scream ‘stalker’ more than ‘I’m completely in love with you.’

When his fingertips start to prune he finally turns off the shower and opens the bathroom door letting out  a cloud of steam with him. He wraps a towel around his waist and then dries his hair with another one before leaving the bathroom.

It’s the bright colors that attract his eyes first. It’s there right in the center of his dressing room. A beautiful bouquet of flowers, with lilies, roses, daffodils, and tulips. It’s vibrant with the array of colors and it’s probably the largest, most eclectic arrangement of flowers he’s ever seen in his life. But somehow it’s perfect in all it’s oddities.

“Jeff!” He yells and there is nothing intimidating about the flowers other than the fact that they weren’t there when he’d first walked in to shower. There is nothing to be afraid of- yet his heart is beating faster. “Jeff!” He yells again walking a few steps closer.

“Yeah, H? What’s up?” He peeks his head through the doorway and Harry can tell he’s on the phone since he’s got it held away from his face covering the speaker.

“Who are these from?” Harry asks because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up… he really doesn’t.

“They came for you and made it through security. I didn’t read the card. Do you want me to?” Jeff raises a brow.

“No that’s okay. But they made it through security?” Harry asks and now that he’s closer, he can see the card, his name scribbled on it.

“Yeah, nothing for you to worry about.”

“Okay, Thanks.” His hand is shaking when he reaches for the card. He really doesn’t want to hope, but he can’t stop his heart from beating faster. No one else would think to put those flowers together… not all his springtime favorites- only someone who really _really_ knows him would ask for that combination.

He pulls the little card out the envelope and flips the card over to read the message.

_Good Luck- Love Nialler_

The message is short and almost generic but it’s enough to stop his heart because Niall did this. He had the idea and then made it happen- even if it was just asking his assistant. And maybe Harry is reading too much into this but he doesn’t care. This is the first time that Niall’s taken the initiative… the first time he’s reached out first; and he can’t help but smile. And even if he is reading to much into this it doesn’t matter because this is _big._

That night he goes on stage with a smile on his face, a lightness in his heart, and a small card in his pocket. He talks to Niall after the show, of course. He calls him excitedly and waits until the end to of the call to finally say, “And thank you for my flowers. They made my night.” it makes Niall laugh all loud, nervous, and shy.

“You just played the first show of your tour. I’m sure it wasn’t my flowers that made you night.” He hates how Niall sometimes downplays everything about himself.

“I knew they were from you instantly. No one knows all my favorite flowers so I knew it had to be you.”   Harry tries to stress how nice it really was- how special it was to get something like that. Sure- sometimes the venues or the label gets him flowers or candies or whatnot, but nothing as perfectly fitting as this bouquet of flowers. He took 100 pictures. He wants to keep them forever.

“Well I’m glad you liked them. And I heard the show was amazing… but uh… I couldn’t hear all the lyrics to the new songs… Medicine and Anna was it?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, I may have mumbled a bit… I’m just not sure how the lyrics will be received?  I guess?” He’ll scream the words tomorrow so Niall can hear them.

“The fans will love you Haz. You wrote a song named after a fruit and they go crazy for it.” Niall points out and it’s true… Kiwi is a fan favorite.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” And only then it clicks that somehow Niall already knew about the new songs, “Hey how did you know?” At that Niall just laughs.

“Its called Twitter mate- get on it now and then and maybe post some pics for your fans on Instagram.  They’ll love it.” His voice is light with laughter and between the buzz of the show and Niall’s voice on his skin he’s buzzing.

“Would you love it?” Harry asks- he can hear Niall’s pause on the other end of the line.

“It’d be nice.” Is what Niall ends up saying.

“Then okay, I will.” If it helps Niall feel like he can see into Harry’s life he’ll do it- he’d do just about anything for Niall.

This just goes to show that Niall’s invested too- and even though he really doesn’t have the time and it’s really not the best idea, he knows now that Niall’s made a move- he needs to do something bigger.

Two days later he’s on private plane to Manchester.

\----

It’s only show number three but he finally feels like he’s really starting to get a good feel for the larger crowds. He knows that the stages and crowds are bigger than last year’s sessions but he still wants to keep the small gig-like feel and the last two Ireland shows have felt just like that.

The covers have gone over well, Julia’s a blast to have around, and Harry’s still calling everyday.

That alone has taken him by surprise. He remembers looking at Harry when the other man was sitting on his couch telling him he probably wouldn’t hear from him for the nine months of his tour and here he is already being proven wrong.

The negative part of his mind is telling him that Harry’s only doing this because Niall threw it out there that he wouldn’t- Niall made it a challenge. Plus its relatively easy to call- he still needs something else from Harry.

Regardless he’s starting to get more optimistic that Harry might just prove him wrong.

It’s a bit emotional for him being in front of a Manchester crowd again. The last time he was here it was a totally different kind of concert with a totally different kind of energy. He’s glad to be here though, and just like the first two concerts they are really getting the system down. He’s pretty proud of himself too, he’s gotten a lot more used to the crowds and talking in front of them, making sure each show was different than the last and that nothing felt _too_ scripted.

Plus it feels really good to sing ‘So Long’ in front of people. It amazes him already that people know some of the words- that they invest their time into watching crappy videos online taken at the first two shows just to learn the words. His fans always amaze him so much.  

Walking into his dressing room he doesn’t even notice right away that he’s not alone. He’s more focused on his to do list; getting packed up and on the bus to to head to Glasgow, so the soft, “Hi,” takes him by surprise.

In no way is he prepared at all to see him. He’s leaving tonight- in less than hour to head to Glasgow on a bus with the lads. But he’s here. Harry’s here- doing another thing that Niall claimed he’d never do.

He doesn’t care that Harry isn’t out in the audience- he knows that Harry hates that kind of attention, and its easier this way. He doesn’t care that he’s not on social media talking about seeing Niall or seeing his show- that’s not him anyway. The truth of the matter is he’s _here_.

“Hi.” It’s like time slows down but his heart starts racing, and there are so many conflicting emotions rolling through him in such rapid succession that he can’t grab on to a single one.

“You were amazing tonight.” Harry looks nervous, unsure of his welcome, but he looks good. He’s in skinny jeans for a change, paired with just a plain white tee and Niall has no idea how he got in here.

“I- what are you doing here?”  He’s frozen a couple feet from the door and he hears the door shut behind him. It’s just him and Harry alone in his dressing room

“I- uh tried to watch a livestream of your first concert on periscope but it was shite so I- and I wasn’t able to see you during rehearsals and this was the only day until like April that I might be able to catch a show of yours and it was only three hour flight and... is this okay?” Harry’s eyes don’t leave his and his face is just so open and earnest. Niall can tell he really just wants to be _here._ Times like this he can still read Harry like he used to.

_Is this okay?_

Isn’t this what Niall wanted all along? To finally feel like he and Harry are on equal emotional ground.  To feel like 2015 wasn’t just a year of sexual frustration that lead to a mistake and it was all something that actually meant something to both of them? Harry’s done more than meet him halfway. He’s already exceeded the minimum expectations that Niall didn’t even really lay out.

He flew three hours just to see Niall perform and say _he was amazing._ Harry’s here expecting nothing in return.

He’s not thinking as he crosses the room, his thoughts still going too fast for even him to really catch up. It’s only a few steps until he’s in Harry’s space, his cologne infiltrating his senses. Harry’s scruff is light and barely noticeable until it tickles against his palms. Niall nods because _yes_ this is _definitely_ okay.

It’s like he has no control over his own body or his own emotions. But at least one emotion has taken over from the shock, amazement, and confusion. Joy and elation are decidedly what’s in control right now, because having Harry here is more than he ever could have expected.

He lets those emotions steer his actions, pulling Harry’s face down to his and pressing up on to his toes to press his lips to Harry’s.

It’s almost a reversal of their first kiss more than two years ago, when Harry had leaned down to steal a kiss. Except this time it’s Niall leading and it’s Harry that’s in shock, but to Niall the feeling is still the same. When he presses his lips to Harry’s there is a lightness in his body- a free falling feeling that makes his heartbeat race and his stomach drop in the best way.  

It only takes seconds for him to feel Harry’s hands on his waist, holding him up, pulling him in tighter so they are chest to chest. Harry’s taller now than he was before- but the kiss still feels the same- warmth and frenzy racing through his skin; the air in his lungs unnecessary as long as Harry’s lips are on his.

He doesn’t know how long he stays pressed up against Harry before he pulls back for a breath, but Harry doesn’t let him stay away, nuzzling down, kissing the corner of his mouth before pressing in to kiss him again, this time gently pressing his tongue along his lower lip asking for more.

He lets him in on a moan, digging his hands into his hair- which he almost expects to be longer than it actually is- like there should be long curls to wrap around his fingers instead of short curls to tickle his skin. It feels so much the same- like the first time- but different in the fact that Harry’s proven himself to him this time. Instead of a cumulation of desire this is something different- Harry’s kiss feels like where he belongs. He doesn’t want to leave the safety of his arms and Niall can’t help thinking he should be scared.  

It shouldn’t be this easy to fall back into Harry- he doesn’t want to get burned twice by the same person- he’s already been there once and written a song about it. He doesn’t need to do it again.

That thought alone is enough to pull back from the kiss and take a deep breath in, “Well, guess I can’t take that back, huh?” he says slightly out of breath, carefully gauging Harry’s reaction.

“Huh? Oh....” Harry looks hurt before seeming to brace himself, “I don’t know. Do you want to?” It looks like Harry might just let that happen- if that’s what Niall wants.

Niall takes just a second to think and he knows he needs to be honest with Harry and more so himself. The truth is no- no he doesn’t want to take it back and while the timing isn’t the best he feels calm and relaxed in this moment, “No I don’t think so.”

“Okay, that’s good… that’s really good.” His smile is soft, relieved. It’s amazing how just spending the last month living and talking with Harry was enough to re-familiarize him with everything he used to know.

Harry still hasn’t let him go- so he lets his hands fall from Harry’s hair to wrap around his shoulders and he rests his head in the curve of his neck and shoulder. He loves that this still feels the same- that hugging Harry still feels like the place he should always be.

“But, I don’t really have time right now.” He mutters into Harry’s neck, tastes the salt on his skin.

“No I know. I wasn’t even expecting this. I just.. I wanted to be here.” Harry’s turned his head to press his lips to Niall’s neck. He can feel the press of Harry’s fingers individually on his hips, but he doesn’t even know how long they’ve been here. He knows he needs to get packed up and on the bus. But he can’t think...

“I feel we should talk about this and…” Niall starts but now his mind is racing- pulling up his schedule and what he knows of Harry’s- trying to think of a time when they might be within a couple hours of each other again.

“We have time… after the masters right?” Harry asks and yeah that’s coming up really soon- just a couple weeks from now.

“Yeah, that- that should work. We can do that.” Niall’s already trying to figure out flight plans and Bahama vacations and getting back early to see Harry.

“We can- I have some days off in London, Glasgow, before Ireland-” Harry offers.

“I’m not to Paris until the 18th.” he offers trying to help put the plan together.

“So we have time. And we can facetime or something? I can still text and call.”

“We can. I- I can call you too.” It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it. But those lingering traces and thoughts that Harry was just going to figuratively disappear from his life again stopped him from picking up the phone, stopped him from making a move- until he had the thought to send him flowers on show night; had felt like Harry deserved it. But he knew, he just _knew_ that Harry’s nerves would be getting to him- thought it would be a nice comfort.

Now he’s here.

And they’re moving _forward._

\----

The text and calls get decidedly more… flirty.

He wouldn’t call it dirty talk or sexting even- but they are walking a very thin line; a line he’s regularly surprised that Niall walks so well. But sometimes he can actually _feel_ Niall pulling back from the conversations, like he can feel Niall second guessing- _is this the best move? Can I trust him?_ In times like that he tries to facetime instead.  But it’s also more balanced, instead of him calling- _him chasing-_ Niall’s calling just as much; texting him just as much, snapping pictures to him, letting Harry know that he’s on his mind. It’s such a comfort to him that he feels rewarded with every text alert.

It was strange- when he first showed up at Niall’s door he was worried that they were completely different people, when really they just needed time to reconnect with each other. After those first few days- he still fought it though. He had to fight the urge to hug, to touch, to flirt, to cuddle. All those feelings that just come naturally to him around Niall. But Niall still had all his walls up- he wasn’t quite ready to be _them_ again yet.

He still doesn’t know what it was he said that last night that got through to him- what it was that made Niall finally leave his door open or even made him offer up a place in his bed that morning. But _something_ slotted back into place.

Harry finally feels the most _him_ that he has in ages.

“So we only have two days?” Harry asks as they FaceTime. Niall’s in the Bahamas and he’s getting ready to play his show in Manchester.

“Yeah I know it sucks, but what do you think of meeting me at my flat when you’re in London.” Niall’s not looking at him and he still gets like this every once in a while. Like he can’t really look at Harry, like he’s always bracing for the rejection. Harry hates it.

“That’d be great, I haven’t been to your new flat.” Harry would love to see it and it makes Niall look at him.

“Yeah, I mean I’ll be a bit beat, so I might need to sleep but then we can talk.” Niall brings up the elephant in the room so casually that Harry is a little bit envious of it.

“Talk about us?” Harry asks just to clarify, because why not? He’s still worried that Niall’s going to get cold feet and say that it’s a bad idea and they should just work on their friendship instead of anything else- he literally has nightmares about it.

“Yeah, plus I’ll see you in Dublin too. I’m doing my orchestra taping and I’ll be around for the show. I might just hide in your dressing room though.” It’s doing things to his heart that Niall’s already talking _after_ the ‘talk.’ It gives Harry more confidence then he has had most of the week.

“I’d like that. I have a day that I can spend with you before you head to France.”

“Then it might be a while after that though. A pretty long while actually.” Niall tells him, “Are you okay with that?” Harry’s seen it. How after that their schedules don’t match up at all both of them on different ends of the world.

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out. And you’re done before I am so maybe there will be time in there that works for you? I’m not done until the end of September.” Harry can’t help but smile at Niall very pointedly not really asking him to visit but still almost _asking him to visit._ But yeah- he’s spent a lot of time staring at their schedules and how they don’t match _at all._

“Yeah, I’ll come visit after my tour is over. Maybe I’ll become a groupie and follow you around for the end of your tour, or something...”  He smiles when that startles a laugh out of Niall.

“I’d love to see that.”

“So your place? Do you want to call me when you land and then I can meet you there?” It’s still a day or so away but those transatlantic flights can be confusing for time and they might not talk again before Niall takes off tomorrow.

“Um, hang on,” the screen goes blank as Niall switches off his camera, obviously switching apps on his phone and then Harry gets a message with an address and then a key code for both the main entrance and his flat entrance.

“So if you want, you can stay there. I don’t know what time you’re getting into to town but either way you will beat me. So you’re welcome to crash there if you want.” Niall’s face comes back to the screen and his cheeks are a little red, the way they get when Niall thinks he’s being too forward.

“Uh, I want…” and Harry leaves it at that because he does want- he wants so much. He wants to be in Niall’s space when he’s not with him and when he is. He wants to be able to identify Niall’s cologne by scent like he used to. He wants to be in his kitchen and know where everything is. He wants it all.  

And he wasn’t smart enough to realize he was in love with his best friend three years ago- but he’s smart enough to realize it and to want it now.

“Oh, okay…” and Harry loves the warmth in Niall’s small smile.

He feels more special than he should when he uses the number keycode to get into Niall’s flat. It’s something that he always used to have back in the day. He was always more comfortable in Niall’s house than anywhere else- even his own home.

He didn’t get the chance to stay here last night- but there is something about the trust that Niall gave him- actually giving him access to his house when he’s not there that he can’t really explain. He’s only about 30 minutes ahead of Niall. He didn’t want to give himself too much time to sneak around. He has time to make himself comfortable on the couch that seems to be made for cuddling before turning on the telly to distract him until Niall comes home.

His whole body goes on alert when he hears the lock activate and the door swing open. Harry can’t stop himself from standing up and looking back towards the door hands clasped together nervously.  Niall’s shuffling in with his golf clubs, luggage, and duffle bag. Instead of drinking him in like Harry really wants to do he rushes forward and grabs the door and then his luggage as he closes the door behind him.

Niall gives him a thankful smile and Harry’s pleasantly pleased that he doesn’t get a startled or a surprised look like he did the first morning he stayed at Niall’s LA place. He loves the fact that Niall was expecting him.

“Hey,” He whispers as Niall sets his golf clubs against the entry way closet and then drops his duffle bag on the tile.

“Hi.” he raises his arms and Harry’s wrapping him up in his arms before he can even think about it.  Niall’s chuckle into the curve of his neck makes him grin. He pulls back and ends up knocking the Masters snapback off his head as he puts his hands on his face and presses a kiss to his lips. Niall freezes for just a second before pressing into Harry.

“Welcome home.” Harry tells him. He’s in typical Niall travel apparel, grey hoodie and blue track shorts, but to Harry he looks good; he always looks good.

“Thanks,” they end up filling the air with small talk, ‘how was the flight’ and ‘how was the rest of your vacation?’ but it’s not uncomfortable like it was four months ago at Louis’ when Harry didn’t know anything about what was actually happening in Niall’s life. Now he knows- because they talk every day.

They end up sprawled on Niall’s couch and Harry’s mid sentence before he realizes that Niall’s fallen asleep against his shoulder, body slack and completely relaxed against his. He shuffles carefully on the couch, leaning back so he’s laying on his back and he moves both of them so Niall’s head rests on his chest and Niall cuddles into him. He can’t help but just wrap his arms around him and close his eyes relishing the fact that this is even happening.  

He knows he’s lost some time when he opens his eyes; the sun has moved across the floor enough to show that a couple hours have passed at least. Niall’s still dead to the world, covering his chest, he’s shuffled enough that his leg is between Harry’s, and his hand has shifted under Niall’s hoodie on his lower back, the skin there hot and slightly damp with a light sheen of sweat.

It takes Harry back to how it used to be- to how it should always be.

He know how jet lag works, so he lets Niall sleep a little more before starting with slow motions on his back to wake him. He presses his hands up his back only to scratch gently on the way down. It only takes a few minutes to for Niall to start to shuffle. He knows Niall would prefer just to sleep the rest of the day away but then he’ll be up all night. It doesn’t help that touring messes with their sleeping schedule anyway- all of them always ready to sleep at a moment's time.

“Are you hungry? Should I make some lunch?” Harry ask quietly. He can tell Niall’s awake, even though he hasn’t said or motioned otherwise.

“Hmm. Maybe? Do you mind?” Niall asks.

“I bought some groceries. Got some stuff for sandwiches and crisps.” He tells him. He’d left his  overnight bag in his car, still not sure if he should plan on staying the night or not. Didn’t want to assume anything.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Niall’s still talking into his shirt but he’s starting to get his hands up and under him so he can move and Harry wants to pull him back down but he knows they need to wake up, eat and then talk.

“I did if I wanted to eat.” Harry points out and Niall finally laughs.

“Good point there.” Niall presses a quick kiss to his lips before finally pushing himself up and off his sofa. “I’m going to go change and brush my teeth, I’ll be right back. There’s an extra toothbrush in the spare bathroom if you need.” He points to a room off the main room before grabbing his suitcase and duffle to take back to his room.  

Harry takes him up on the use of that toothbrush, then moves into the kitchen to make them both sandwiches and pulls out the bags of crisps he got hoping Niall’s taste hasn’t changed too much.

When he comes back he doesn't really look that different. He still looks soft and fuzzy in joggers and a light tee. His hair is slightly damp and he smells like citrus, that’s what must have taken him a while longer- he decided to shower too.

“So, should we talk?” Harry pushes a plate toward Niall as he sits down at the island, then places a glass of water in front of him.

“So I was thinking… what is there to talk about?” Niall takes a bite of his sandwich and Harry waits for him to continue. “So we hooked up, right? Then you left and I didn’t call. You’re sorry you left and I regret not calling. I sucked at forgetting you, and as soon as you figured out you were stupid you tried to get back in my life and I wouldn’t let you.” Harry’s stomach is in knots as Niall stops to take a couple bites of his food. “Why aren’t you eating?” Niall asks him.

“Um,” Harry looks at his food and right now it doesn’t really look appetizing at all, not partnered with the words coming out of Niall’s mouth. They aren’t bad- but they aren’t good words either. It’s just the bare honest truth without any of the excuses they keep surrounding the situation with. “I’m just trying to give you my full attention.” is what he ends up telling him.

“Okay,” He draws out. He grabs a crips and puts it in his mouth looking at Harry deductively. It’s the first time that Harry picks up on Niall’s nerves and he really wants this ‘talk’ to be over especially if he’s ending things but that’s just the negativity sneaking into his mind.

“Okay let’s just cut to the chase. You want a relationship right? With me? A real one?”  Niall finally asks.

“Yes, I’ve made that  obvious, right?” Harry drops his elbows onto the counter so that he can lean over and look Niall in the eye.

“Well I think so, but I just wanted to make sure. Like we’ve got some hurdles to get over you know?” Niall asks him, his blue eyes serious as Harry looks at them.

“Yeah, you and me both touring, me just out of a relationship, your first one with a guy… right?” Harry can’t help but look curious- he saw that pic of Niall and Shawn at the AMAs and it ate him up in a way it really shouldn’t have since he was ‘in love’ with someone else.

But Niall just looks at him with a brow raised like he knows exactly what he’s thinking, “Yeah, you’ll be my first relationship with a guy.” Niall gives up and tells him- and the relief he feels is insane.

“We’ve got some obstacles but we’re still us?  I can prove to you that we’re worth it, right?”  Harry prompts finally taking the first bite of his sandwich since his stomach is finally calming down. It’s good so he takes another waiting for Niall to say something.

“You already have- I’m here- well you’re here- since it’s my house and all, but still you get what I mean.” He pushes his empty plate away- finished. “That was good, thanks Haz.”

“Yeah, of course. So- are we going to do this? From now on are we like…” he pauses trying to search for the right word, “together?” is what he ends with and he smiles as he watches Niall blush. He tries to focus on eating but watching Niall is more fun.

“Yeah- that’s us- we’re together…” Niall says, his cheeks increasing from pink to red.

“So why are you blushing… what are you thinking about?” Harry really wants to know what is making the tips of his ears to turn red.

“Well I- you’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted to be with so I’ve- well I didn’t really experiment or anything I just- I only ever wanted you…” Niall won’t look at him and Harry’s is in a way absolutely flattered because Niall seems a bit worried- about what Harry can only guess until the light bulb clicks on.

“Are you worried about shagging, Niall?” Harry asks and he can’t help the the suggestive look that comes across his face.

“Well I’ve really only done it that once…” Niall stutters out and Harry equally concerned and flattered that Niall thinks sex could matter that much- sure it can be important- but they don’t have to worry, Harry’s pretty sure their chemistry is still there.

“And it was amazing.”  Harry interrupts him.

“But I’ve only had that one experience and porn doesn’t count.” Niall concludes.

“Did you watch porn thinking of me?” Harry asks and he loves how Niall’s getting all shifty, but if he really was uncomfortable with it he knows Niall would tell him to stop.

“Hey! It was a long time ago- we were still in 1D and I was maybe a bit drunk and really confused, and I was just curious but still trying to ignore it because we were still band mates…” Niall finally tapers off and looks back at Harry a little lost.

“I’m not at all worried about how experienced you are Ni, it really doesn’t matter. Everything we do… we’re the best.” Harry smiles but he can’t help that he’s starting to get a bit aroused just talking about it, well thinking about it anyway. He can’t help but wonder how much better it all will be with all of this out in the open.  No closeted angst or pining or worrying about what the future will hold. This time they both know there _is_ a future.

“Well, we are pretty good at anything we do.” Niall smiles through his blush. “But I’m sure we could always practice?” This time Niall’s the one who looks suggestive. Harry loves that he’s already comfortable enough with him to bring it up.

“Yeah, we can fit in some practice.” Harry stands, he’s not finished his food and he’s not really all that hungry- not for real food anyway. Instead he walks around the island, pulling Niall up to his feet with a confidence he doesn’t quite feel yet but Niall’s eyes are warm and welcoming so he presses in close to him.  

He can’t help but still be a little shy as he presses his lips to Niall’s, kissing him soft and tentative. He can feel Niall’s lashes flutter shut against his cheek as he kisses him applying slow pressure. But it’s pretty apparent Niall’s comfortable at least with this part. He’s pressing up on to his toes, biting at Harry’s lower lip, the sting making Harry’s lips part.

He lets Niall take the lead- he enjoys the feel of Niall’s hands under his shirt, calluses teasing shivers out of his skin. He reaches around one hand dropping to his arse, the other one digging into his hair- so much softer now that he doesn’t bleach it every three weeks.  

The groan Niall gives him when he squeezes his arse makes him pull away- remembering he did have one more question to ask. One that he’s been almost scared to ask but he needs to know the answer to.

“I know I got to explain, but I never did ask you… why didn’t you call me? Really?” It takes a minute for Niall to focus on him again. His breathing is heavy as it rushes against Harry’s skin exposed by his open shirt. There is a blush on his cheeks and he’s worried it’s not there for the same reason it was a few minutes ago. “You don’t have to tell me. Or you can tell me when you’re ready.” He’s quick to cover- he doesn’t want Niall to feel uncomfortable.

“I don’t really have a great way to explain it. Not really anyway. I just thought- ‘that’s it? That’s all he needs to get it out of his system?’ and for me it was more… like I was almost in love with you, Haz. And at first I just...” He steps away from him and Harry lets him. Niall seems to be holding his breath, but he runs his hands through his hair obviously nervous waiting for Harry to respond- but this is finally it- all their cards are on the table.

“Almost?” Harry asks- because it’s only a little bit scary to know that both of them felt so much then. But he gets it- understands how he was probably insanely hurt waking up alone and then putting it together that Harry was just gone.

“Maybe a little more than almost.” Niall’s eyes finally meet his, confident and sure, and he can’t help but get lost in the deep blue gaze.

“Think we can get that back?” he finally asks, calming the nerves in his stomach, moving in closer putting his hands on Niall’s trim hips.

“I think we’ve made a really good start.” and Niall’s smile is _everything._ Niall’s hands cover his as he takes a couple steps backwards dragging Harry with him.

He doesn’t know this flat as well as Niall’s old one, but he just smiles at him and lets Niall lead him back to the bedroom. The room is very _Niall…_ nothing flashy, decorated in grays and navy with sparks of personality around the room- a guitar here, an irish flag there- Harry instant feels at home- all he would add is a candle.  

He doesn’t make light or joke that Niall seems almost shy as Harry peels off his clothes piece by piece between slow kisses, leaving him just in his pants. Things have shifted between them and now Niall’s lack of confidence is shining though. “You’re gorgeous.”  Harry tells him and Niall lets out a snort that could be a laugh. “You may not think so, but you are to me.” He’s serious, presses Niall to sit down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m just me.” Niall smiles, blush on his cheeks, but he has no issue meeting Harry’s eyes or pulling him down for a kiss.

He loses time kissing Niall, pressing him back into the bed and climbing over him. He takes his time pressing kisses into his skin. It amazes him how different Niall’s body his now: the way that his scruff scratches his lips as he kisses his jaw and neck, the way his shoulders are broader, waist and hips trim and tour-fit, and when he runs a hand down his legs they’re still so skinny but lean and muscled. He knows his body is different too- Niall’s not shy about touching him- exploring under his clothes, making goosebump race across his skin..   

“Why am I almost naked and you’re not?” Niall finally asks, hands grabbing on to his shirt and pulling it up his back as Harry moves downward pressing small biting kisses into his stomach and then down to his hip bones.  Harry peeks up, looking up his chest to where Niall’s looking down at him, eyes dark. How exactly does he explain that he just wants to make sure that Niall feels absolutely no pressure here?

“What do you want?” Harry ends up asking, he feels like they’re going too fast and too slow all at the same time. But this is _Niall_ and they know each other, inside and out.

“Well… while you’re down there…you could…. maybe...”Niall leaves the rest hanging, but raises his eyebrow suggestively and if he’s comfortable enough to ask-

He doesn’t tease, Niall’s cock is already hard from Harry relearning his skin, but he’s careful as he slides Niall’s pants off then falls to his knees between Niall’s spread legs hanging off the bed. Niall goes to sit up on the edge of the mattress but as soon as Harry’s got his mouth on him, he falls back to the bed with a moan.

He takes his time, learning his taste, what causes Niall’s muscles to tighten and his legs to jerk by his head. He presses his hand down over Niall’s stomach and he can feel the quivering in his muscles and each breath he takes as he inhales only to exhale on a moan or a sigh. Niall’s hands move into his hair and he’s so gentle, combing through the curls and Harry uses his mouth to suck him down, relaxing his throat to take him all the way back.

His own body is on fire, doing this with Niall, hearing _his_ voice, _his_ moans, feeling his hands in his hair and nails pressing into his shoulders.  Every little thing that Niall does is taking Harry closer and closer to the edge and he hasn’t even touched himself yet.

He wants to overwhelm Niall in the best way possible- maybe even use moments like this to make sure that Niall never has to question if he Harry will disappear on him. He knows he’s said the words but he’s going to use moments like these- as many as he’s given- to press the promises into his skin.

At first he thinks the words coming out of Niall’s mouth are gibberish… but soon it’s just rushed versions  of his name, “Harry… Hazza… _Haz…_ ” the words are accompanied with the tugging on his hair- he knows what’s coming. Instead of pulling off- he moans sucking Niall down further, he presses his hand down on Niall’s lower stomach feeling his muscles quiver as he fights not to thrust up and he’s coming down the back of Harry’s throat.

Niall’s hands are still insistent in his hair pulling him up and away from his softening dick.  This time Harry lets him pull him away. Niall finally gets his shirt off after releasing his hold on his curls and he pulls Harry down for a kiss before working to get his jeans unbuttoned and a hand in his pants.  

“What do _you_ want?” Niall pants against his lips, chest heaving with each breath. He doesn’t seem the slightest bit disgusted to be kissing Harry, tasting his own orgasm in Harry’s mouth.  

“I’m close, so close, just…”  He moans and tucks his head into Niall’s shoulder as Niall gets his callused hand around Harry’s dick. He swipes his thumb over the head using the precome there to slick his way down then twisting his wrist when he gets back to the top.  

Harry’s never been so turned on by sucking someone off before- but this is Niall- he _should_  have known that it would be different- more intense.

“What do you like?  Tell me?” Niall pleads pressing a kiss to his temple. He can’t stop his hips from pressing into Niall’s fist, speeding up the pace he had first set. And Harry wants to talk but everything Niall is doing is just right. The pressure around his dick, the guitar calluses on his fingers rough on his dick, the other hand tilting Harry’s head out of his neck so that he can kiss him

But it just turns into a gasp against Niall’s lips as he presses his hips into Niall’s fist coming all over their bellies. He lets himself collapse on Niall- both of them letting out an ‘ _umph’_ as Harry lets himself lay there for a few seconds.  It’s really silly, they never even actually made it fully onto the mattress, both sets of their legs hanging off  the side edge of the bed.

Harry only takes a few seconds before rolling off and over to the side. He turns his head right away to look over at Niall and he’s already looking back.

“I told you shagging wasn’t going to be an issue.” Harry reaches over and pushes Niall’s fringe out of his eyes. Niall’s eyes are soft as he smiles back.

“I guess all that chemistry didn’t just burn out after one night.” Niall replies voice soft.  

“I don’t think it will ever burn out.”  Harry says- pretty sure he’s said that once already, but this time Niall doesn’t ignore it. He gets up and walks to the bathroom to grab a flannel to rinse off his stomach before rinsing it off and throwing it over to Niall. He tosses it back to Harry when he’s done and when he comes back from the bathroom Niall is tucked under the sheets.  

Harry stands there for just a second before Niall senses he’s there and raises the blanket at sheets to welcome Harry in. He lays facing Niall because he just can’t stop looking at him. His lips are still red from their kisses, cheeks pink from exertion, and he looks like he could drift off to sleep any second. But it seems like Niall’s fighting to keep his eyes open. His eyes are hazy and tired and even though it’s only early in the evening Harry knows that if Niall sleeps now he’ll sleep through to morning- he doesn’t know why he’s holding off slumber.

“You’ll be here, right? When I wake up tomorrow morning?” Niall’s voice is groggy and the words are like arrows through the heart. But it’s an easy question to answer.

“I promise.” They only have a couple days and he’s going to spend all his time with Niall, or at least as much as he can. He’s not going to break the fragile trust that they finally have back.  

“Good.” He nods and it seems like Niall’s trust in him is restored, because the next questions is, “Big spoon?” He lets his eyes close for just a minute before looking back at Harry and it’s times like this that he realizes how special what they have really is.

“Yeah,” Harry turns so his back is facing Niall and waits with bated breath for just a second until he feels his arm wrap around his waist, pulling him tight to his chest. He feels the press of his lips to the back of his neck and just that touch has the small bit of tension fleeing from his body. He can’t stop himself from lacing their fingers together and tucking it high on his chest.  He can’t really explain why he’s getting choked up in this moment. It feels heavy- important. “Thank you,” he doesn’t meant to say it.

“For what?” Niall’s lips press another kiss to the back of his neck, just under his hairline and he shivers as Niall pulls him closer still.

“For letting us get back to... here.” He doesn’t know a better way to explain it- there were so many times that Niall could have turned him away and turned back from this moment. There were so many times that Harry could have given up- but instead here they are.

“Well thanks for proving that we’re worth it. All I did was give you the chance.” Harry turns his head to look over his shoulder and Niall is looking back at him. He can’t explain how everything about this moment feels right to him.

“You did more than that.” Harry wants to explain, thank Niall for letting him stay at his house, for answering his phone that first time after getting together at Louis, for letting Harry join them for lunch, for not shutting Harry out and giving him the cold shoulder that he had been. He’s lucky that Niall is - well _Niall._

Niall pulls his hand away from Harry’s to run a hand through Harry’s curls getting them out of his face. “I really didn’t- but I’m about to be dead to the world here- so let’s talk tomorrow and maybe look at the next few months on our schedules and see how we’re gonna make this work.”

It will be tough, they probably will barely see each other- Harry’s tour always running ahead of Niall’s, but if they’ve built things back up in these conditions, holding on for the next three months will be a worth it.

“It _will_ work.” Harry tells him, voice firm with the confidence that he has in them.

“Of course it will, pet.” Niall presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, the closest he can reach this way and then laces their fingers back together to lay right over Harry’s heart. “You said it yourself- everything we do.”   

He doesn’t expect to fall asleep, but as soon as Niall’s breath evens out behind him, he finds that he can’t keep his eyes open.

\----

The shifting of the bed is what wakes him up but it’s not enough to pull him all the way from his slumber. The sounds of Harry brushing his teeth and then shuffling around the room are what finally pull him completely awake.

He’s turned on his side, probably from where he was wrapped around Harry before the other man snuck out of bed. Luckily he’s on his side facing the room. He  keeps his eyes slightly closed, peeking through his lashes, observing Harry as he pulls on his pants and then his jeans. Then he’s heading towards Niall’s luggage from last night, digging though the suitcase until he finds what he’s looking for with a satisfied, “Hmm!”

He’s pulled the grey Masters shirt from his luggage; well the shirt that Niall bought for Harry; and he’s pulling that over his head and smoothing it down his torso. It fits like a glove- he knew it would.

Niall slam his eyes back shut when Harry turns back around. Niall’s curious what he’s doing and not really ready to let Harry know he’s awake. Harry had _promised_ that he wasn’t going to leave again in the morning. That Niall could trust him and not worry about ever feeling that all encompassing feeling of abandonment all over again. But he doesn’t have to worry because Harry is walking back towards the bed, climbing on to it before hovering over him and kissing his temple.

“I know you’re awake.” Harry tells him, his voice is soft- like he doesn’t want to break the tender quiet of the morning.

“Kinda,” Niall admits letting his eyes open slowly, taking Harry in where he’s on his hands and knees next to him.  

“Someday I’ll make you a morning person.” Harry nuzzles in, pressing kisses against his cheek, then his jawline and down to his neck.

“Fuck no, that’s crazy talk.” Niall mutters before even thinking about it but Harry just laughs into his neck and presses a kiss there, like he knows that Niall’s always self conscious of his morning breath.

“I’m going to that bakery around the corner....”

“Splurging on breakfast while on tour? What have you done with the real Harry?” Niall asks, laughing as he shifts to his back reaches over to the side on the table and grabs his water bottle for a drink. It should help him feel a little less self conscious about the stale taste in his mouth.

“He’s right here, he’s just ravenous after last night. I’ll bring back breakfast and coffee if you want to wake up? Or I can just wake you back up when I get back.” He offers.

Niall can’t help the smile that curves his lips. _When he gets back._ From now on that’s the plan- that they will always come back to each other. He’s not quite sure how they got here- or back here- but he’s glad they did.

“You’re going to wear that?” He can’t help but ask because it will be kind of obvious where he got it; at least to their fans anyway. Everyone knows he just got back yesterday and now Harry’s going to be out today wearing merch from the event?

“Is that okay?” Harry asks, for the first time looking a bit shy.

“If you don’t care then I don’t care. I mean I got it for you anyway.” Niall’s a little surprised by the confidence in his own voice, but he’s done with being unsure. If he’s going to trust Harry then he’s got to _trust Harry._

“You got me a gift!”  Harry seems as excited as a kid on Christmas when he looks down at his shirt- seeing it in a different light. Niall gets rewarded again with a bright smile and another kiss, “Get up, get dressed so we can eat breakfast and get back undressed. We only have today and tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah… go get us food, then we can get started on the rest.” Niall orders, pushing Harry away so that he can sit up, but Harry just pushes him back down with a fierce kiss to his lips. He keeps it short before popping up off the bed.  

“Be right back,” Harry says making his way to the door.

“Love you.” Niall doesn’t even know where the words come from, they sort of just slipped out. It’s not like it’s hard to fall in love with Harry. He’s pretty sure it’s his default setting. He can try to fake it or get over it but it’s just part of who he is.  Niall- Irish, one quarter member of One Direction, son of Maura and Bobby, and always in love with Harry Styles.

When Harry turns back to look at him his dimples dent in his cheeks from the size of his smile. Before he knows it Harry’s back in bed, climbing  over him kissing him- morning breath be damned. Between his peppered kisses he’s whispering ‘love you, love you, love you’ like a mantra against Niall’s lips.

He can’t stop himself from laughing and pushing Harry away. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, now go get me food.”

“I take it back, don’t get dressed- just stay in bed, we’ll eat here when I get back and not leave all day.  Don’t move.” Harry orders, then actually rushes out the door.

They’re going to pick up on it- the fans are- Niall already knows. Harry spotted wearing a Masters t-shirt right after Niall gets home from the Masters? Sometimes it seems like the fans are MI6 level thinking, but even a child would be able to figure out who gave Harry that shirt. There’s a bit of comfort in knowing that now Harry’s not ashamed to be associated with him.

Niall thinks back on the last three months, how it started all weird and uncomfortable in Louis game room. How Harry wasn’t even supposed to show up that night.  He thinks back to the extra steak and Louis’ sly look and investigative glances and can’t help but think he was set up. Tommo’s a dick like that sometimes. He wonders what Tommo had figured out or what Harry told him.

Then there is the whole case of Harry showing up on Niall’s doorstep. He didn’t think about it too much then, too blindsided by Harry’s appearance at his house to think about anything else. What he does know is that Harry wouldn’t have been brave enough to show up on his doorstep without a little prompting- but he doesn’t know who’s responsible for that. Either way he can make a pretty good guess.

He grabs his phone and sends a quick text, **thanks** and leaves it at that- let the twat figure it out on his own.

He gets up just to brush his teeth, and after turning on the golf channel he climbs right back in bed just as naked as he was before and that earns him quite the reward when Harry gets back.

\----

**thanks-** It takes Louis a minute of looking at his phone to figure out just what the hell is going on. But it’s from Niall and he’s back in London- left the States yesterday… and he knows for a fact that he was supposed to see Harry because the other lad let it slip when they were on the phone yesterday? Or the day before maybe? All this studio time is making him lose all concept of time but he can’t help but think that maybe Niall finally figured it out.

He clicks on the text and immediately goes to forward it on.  **It worked-** he adds before Louis hits send on the forward text to Liam, he’s not really all that worried that Niall figured it out- he’s a smart lad when it comes down to it.

**Thank god! Everything in the world is right again -** Liam responds within seconds.  

But it’s not like they both didn’t know that something had changed. It became obvious to Louis when Niall stopped stuttering over Harry’s name when they spoke and Harry was living up to his promise of keeping in contact. And maybe sometimes during those conversations- Harry had revealed a little too much; like how after getting flowers from Niall he’d drunkenly called Louis one night to tell him that ‘ _he was going to woo Niall back into his arms.’_ To this day Louis isn’t sure that Harry even remembers calling him drunk after his first tour date and rattling off his plan. But that was when Louis knew his plan was a success- because there was one thing that Niall could never resist- a Harry who demanded his attention.

And yeah Liam’s message is pretty accurate, because when Niall and Harry are NiallandHarry the world is a much better place. He can feel it already.

\----

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear from you. Please let me know what you think! Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated. 
> 
> If you would prefer you can stop over on Tumblr and say [Hello!](https://catrinahartsnarry.tumblr.com/)


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